Life happens

i love my gf & shes so far away from me & i dont know how to be strong anymore how to deal with my life i dont im tired of it.
im tired of always acting liek a wonderful person, when inside im all f***** up. im a pill addict and i dont know what to do about that anymore either!
im a jelous b**** and i wish that i could be everything for my gf but i cant, and shes always oh so busy that it drives me insane! like now! shes coming to LA next sunday (she lives in LDN) and she has to do a lot of other crap! and i feel like crap! bc shes only going to be here one day! one day! and she cant dedicate it all t me! its been 8 f****** months since ive seen her and she has to just put me in like an appointment?! who does that!? it was supposed to be our special day! one day!
and she was supposed to come tomorrow! for our two year anniversary! two years! but she cant bc of school! ive given up so much for her so much! blown off so many things! but she can never blow off anything for me!
i love her dammit and i try not to think like that bc she does give up stuff for me ! but i just miss her s much, so very much.
i dont know what to do anymore..
i dont..

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  • My boyfriend was a pill addict too. He would get mad if I wouldn't skip a day of classes or call in sick to work just to spend the day with him. I felt really guilty like I was putting the rest of my life before him. But at the same time, I felt like he did the drugs because I wasn't enough for him. I didn't want to be around when he was high, because my feelings of inadequacey and jealousy over those little white pills overwhelmed me, so I threw myself into work and school. Things didn't get better until he got help for his addiction. I didn't feel like the second most important thing in his life, and felt more comfortable spending as much time as I could with him. I still have work and school, but now I'm not so eager to get away from him as I used to be. I love him with all of my heart, but the elephant in the room was pushing me out. We are so much happier now!

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