Weird resemblence

Yesturday I watched a complete season of a show I'd never seen bofore. As I analyzed the main character's reactions, actions and was as if I was seeing myself. Although I hadn't gone through the same ordeals he was still in greif and the, suddenly it hit me! That was what I had become...reckless, insenstive to my body's physical and emotional pain and obssesed by one thing. Then another thing happed, during one of the episodes, the charcter reavealed he had been abused and since then had become reckless, and didn't care infiltrating the world of prostitution. I watched all the episodes and it was as if I was seening myself. So many things connected me to the main character. Although I have never done prositution, I had thought about it in my teen years when we could barely make it through winter. I felt as if whatever it would be it could never be worst than being abused my my own father. The show helped me look at the character's actions through a critial eye, and better understand myself. Unfortunately it didn't help me find a way to share my terrible secret with my mother. My brother shall never know I'll make sure of it ... he doesn't need to know, but my mother does. I'm fed up of her thinking that man was an angel. The way she talks about him as if he was a hero makes me sick. The fact it went on for years and she either never found out or knew and didn't say a word makes me sick! Somehow seening that show made me think... I've gone this far on my own and its only a begining!


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  • It's never easy to stay in the neutral zone when inside there's a volacno europting. What is comes down to is before you do something you'd reget on your child close your eyes take a deep breath and think.
    When I was your daughter's age my father started to molest me, told me it was my fault I was too beautiful or that it was his way of showning me his love. He continued until he died of cancer when I was 13. The first time I realized he didn't do it because he loved me was the first time I said no and he continued. I used to think it was like that in every family since it was all I had known.
    And growning up I used to fight all the time with my brother because I was mad at him because he actually got the real and right love and attention from my two parents. We used to fight all the time, we'd argue, punch eachother play really mean tricks on eachother. Hopefully for my parents we'd always do it when they were not watching, but as soon as they would turn their backs... The year when my father died was the worst because my mother had always favored my brother over me , she'd never admit it though. I would agrue with my brother and my mother would always taker his side. We'd have horrible arguments and I always ended up going for a run everytime or going outside and punching a tree (the tree always won may I add). And then, somthing weird happened, my mother met a new man, really nice man wouldn't hurt a fly, and she decied to sleep at his house and come over to our house right after work spend a few minutes and go to her boyfriend's house. It was then I realized my brother wasn't to blame for what our father did and I started to see him for who he really was: a sensitive boy who just lost his father and part of his mother. That day I realizred he'd always been the baby eventhough his is 18 months older he's always been more immature. That day I started to take car of him as if he were my little brother and we got really close. Now we live in the same house but different appartments and I miss watching CSI with him (we bought te season 5 and watched it ... all the episodes without stopping), I miss making him supper, I miss the talks we used to have on his new girlfriends, his breakups, me yelling at him because I found out he smoked! We now have a beautiful realationship. So you daughter might not agree to have a little sister but one day she will realized whatever you do, it's your family and you cannot just ignore them or hate them, you have to learn to love then the way they really are. Unfortunately though, I'm mad everytime I see my mother I've been working on telling her for so long but Im afraid she might not believe me or kick me out. I spend a lot of time with her, trying to get back the mother I always wanted and it seems everytime I think I might be higher in her esteem she will do something stupide like side with my brother even if she doesn't know whats going on or laugh at me infront of everyone.
    I dono but from what I see relationships between sibilings are a lot easier to fix than those with parents so give your daughter a bit of slack, afterall she used to be the center of attention before her sister got there and now she has to learn to share, not only her parents but the space she lives in. It easy for us to understand, but 5 year olds who never lived anything dramatic in their lives this can be a tragic event that they won't understand for another year or so. Give her some time and I'm sure she will grow out of it.

  • I've recently hard a few episodes where I really grabbed my daughter by the arm. She is 5 and developed this... behavior of stomping her feet and wailing, as a way to try to get her way. Over the smallest of things or slight by her sister (aged 2). It is something I hate myself for after. We have simpler ways to deal with punishment, such as time-outs and loss of chances to get stickers for good behavior. Once she gets enough stickers, there is a treat of a Night Out At The Movies, or a doll, or something she has been wanting. Some sort of payoff. How do you argue stickers when she is shrieking? No-win for a parent.

    Anyways. Its about analyzing our behavior and trying to do what is \\"right\\". I recognize my faulty actions when I do, but I'll try to control my reactions.

    Its that instant response to what she did that makes me think. Why did I just frighten my little girl? Should I put on displays of anger, or just take it out on a pillow while letting it slide. Will just reasoning with her let her think she can get away with more?

    You see these issues in shows. It can't solve my instant reactions, but perhaps I'll see a new tool to use when dealing with my girls. We already totally control what she see's on TV. Actually, we have to cable or satellite service. Download all movies and TV shows that are suitable. No commercials so she never bugs us for every single hunk of crap from China with merchandising connections to whatever show or movie that is being shoved in our kids' faces.

    OP, what did your father do?

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