i am so scared. i am so ashamed to
i am so scared. i am so ashamed to disclose my deepest, darkest secrets to my family and bf. i couldn't finish college because i was sick for couple of years. i spent my college money on medication. and i was so depressed. i felt that no one would understand me. i was so afraid to tell them back then as i felt i was incompetent and i let people down. i lied to everyone about my illnesses and that i graduated already. i have been keeping this secret for almost 4 years. i always want to go back to school but i don't have money. i want to tell my bf about my past, but he starts showing some rejection as he doesn't like the way i deal with things. ie. hiding and not sharing. low-self esteem etc. i think he doesn't love me at all. we are having a cooling off period. i am so sad and scared. when we started our relationship, i never lie to him about my secrets. i told him that i didn't know how to tell the truth. i am really depressed as he is running out of patient already. i am so scared to lose him as he's my best friend. i am afraid that even i tell him the truth now, he will still walk away from me. what can i do? i want to be understood. i hope he has a heart to listen.