too many secrets

I am 17 and recently my boyfriend decided we should take a break ( i am pretty sure he's using me) and i have been feeling oddly depressed, but i think im a freak because it's not actual depression i seem to go through a range of emotions at the slightest thing a person says and one minute i love them and he next if they say anything i think is wrong i hate them. i am realy paranoid and i always seem to feel restless and empty i hate being around people because i know they will hurt me, but i still want to be in relationships because it makes me feel at least a little bit worth while, i self harm whenever i am angry and i think about suicide. but sometimes for an hour or so i am realy happy and things seem great. i don't know what is the matter with me and i am too scared to tell my family about it incase they hate me. i can't seem to commit to anything and i don't know what i will feel like one day to the next i don't even seem to know myself who i am. no one knows as i put on a mask and i have no friends, but i am afraid that one day i will think killing myself is a bad idea

Jul 8, 2010

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  • I've commented on a few posts here because I've been in so many similar situations.

    After breaking up with my long term boyfriend life seemed to spiral downwards. I had little indication that simply breaking up would be the stray to break the camels back; but it did.

    I horribly self harmed myself and ended up being sent to a mental hospital. I still hurt myself for no apparent reason even though I'm on medicine. I was diagnoised with Depression as well as Oppositional Defiance Disorder.

    However, in your case it sounds as if you suffer from Bipolar Disorder as a generlization. Your family is there for you (I was afraid to tell anyone that I was harming myself)

    But truthfully it did go to my benefit. The medicine I take does seem to help some, and there are days I truly feel joyful. Everyone will have hard days regardless of what pills they are on, but getting help is the best thing for you. Don't worry about the boy or anything, worry about you.

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