I feel numb

I feel numb. I almost feel like I am experiencing nothing. Nothing seems real. I can't seem to pick up my school habits. I am never practicing my music yet somehow I am still first chair. I do not get pleasure from anything. Medication, therapy, being surrounded by friends, nothing. Nothing makes me happy. I wish I had the guts and the privacy to self harm. I already starve myself and inflict bruises onto my body but it just doesn't seem like enough. I am always being rejected. No one seems to care about me. None of my friends seem fazed by my depression, and they seem to care about others more. I wish I could just vanish.......vanish into thin air. I'm too scared to make myself go away. Would anyone care if I was gone? Or would they just shrug their shoulders? All I ever seem to do is make people annoyed from my stupidity. I want to run away and never return. I want to get run over by a car or get kidnapped, or get murdered. I can't handle the pressures of life and the fact that life hates me.

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  • If you re-read your confession, there's numerous reasons why you're experiencing these emotions.

    You aren't actually numb like you stated in your title and you do actually feel something, unlike what you stated in your confession. You mentioned feeling; rejected, depressed, uncared for, unloved, self-harm and so forth.

    Do you have trusting, supportive and caring family members and/or friends you can confide in, about your feelings? If not, maybe discuss your feelings with a trusted school counsellor or/and family doctor.

    I'm a firm believer - "in a problem shared, is a problem halved" :-)

    You're young and have the whole world ahead of you, don't choose not to seek advice and support - when it's available to you. There's positive options and solutions to your concerns. Choose to solve your concerns and don't discredit, ignore and neglect your feelings/self - worth, you deserve to be happy and lead a glorious life. So do whatever you can, to improve your life.

    I don't know you, but I care about you as a fellow human being. We're never alone in this world, not when we're all in this world - together.

  • I will pray that Jesus sends you a true friend xo

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