I feel like I'm using them both.
So me and my ex boyfriend have been living together for almost 4 years, our relationship moved pretty quickly and we got engaged about a month after we started dating. About 6 months after that I found out I was pregnant. I'm pretty sure that I needed te security and love he provided me because I had just got out of a serious relationship that left me pretty broken. Over the past three years since our son was born, I began feeling less and less love towards him. He barely helped me take care of our son during the first few months and it left me extremely resentful. I had to wake up for every feeding/changing/whatever our son needed with severe post partum depression. During that first year, my mother watched my son once. It was just extremely exhausting and depressing. I don't know how some women are able to do it. I would break down into tears all the time. About two years ago we bought our first house together and since then I have been growing away from him at a drastic rate. He is the one who handles the bills because he'd never tell me exact amounts he spent during the day leaving me with a poorly balanced register. Since we moved in, were always 2 months behind on our mortgage, our gas and water are currently shut off and our other utilities take turns not getting paid for the rest of the year. We didn't have heat in the winter for a week because of his poor financial coordination. Last week I threw a fit towards him because he gave our son only cookies for dinner. He's just extremely irresponsible and I'm becoming more and more resentful. We have been officially broken up for about 9 months but we still sleep in the same bed. A few months ago I met someone new who I care very deeply for. He wanted me to move with him to a different state so we could be together. He's very kind loving and responsible. The problem is, I don't know where to go from here. This new man is everything I want and all but I can't take my son away from his father without feeling extremely guilty. I'm still occasionally intimate with my sons father even though I told my new love interest that I'm not. My sons father also has no family to speak of and very few friends. He has two jobs and I'm a stay at home mom. We can't afford to have him move out considering we can't even keep our utilities on.. I'm lost and I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stringing this new gut along with promises to be together but I'm not so sure I have the capability to abandon my sons father because we are still close friends. I want so badly to move in with my new boyfriend but when I tried telling my sons father I was moving out, he got extremely emotional and played the guilt card by all of a sudden being the perfect father and mate. This only lasted about a month but I caved and wasn't able to go through with my plans to leave. Any advice?