Lost

I lost the love of my life. I lost him because I abused him and tried to control everything he did. I deserve it. I've lost him before, I basically chased him away, but I feel like this time, this time it's really it.
In the past, I always got really depressed and hoed it up. I don't feel like hoeing it up this time. I feel like taking care of myself. Getting a job and going back to college. I gave up so much for him and it's like he doesn't notice this at all. It kills me.
I feel as if I'll never love again. How can I find good in another man when I've already found the best in someone else?
Whether it was my fault or his I was always the one to get us back together. He's never cheated that I know of. I miss him. I want to live my life and take care of myself and then try again later but he'll remember how I am and probably refuse to get back together.
I use to be an angry person. I grew up with a mom that never wanted me and a dad who never really stuck around to try for me or my mom. He was always cheating.
Anyway I use to be an angry person and I went out and fixed myself. I'm happy now and appreciate life. I did this for us.

I woke up today knowing that my love was no good. It's devastating.
It's like he's dead. He won't talk to me. I feel like I'm dead now. I've always been broken, and now I am shattered.
I believe that I won't try to get him back because once I finf myself again I won't want to ever losse myself again. I believe that he will never try and contact me because he now hates me. He never did contact me in the first place. I did everything.
He wasn't affectionate. Ugh, he hates me!
Thing is, I haven't abused him in 5 months.

I lost the love of my life and I doubt I will ever love again.

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