Sadness in my life

Ever since I was around 11. I started having These Suicidial thoughts. I
often Blamed other people For my suicidal problems and thoughts. But now i
realize at the age of 15. It's not there faults. Well it could have been.
But there not the entire blame. I've been feeling alone in this world ever
since i was a little girl. At the age of 3. My father Left my two brothers
and I. you see at the age of 11. I soon started to realize. All girls are
supposed to be there daddys little girl. I despratlly wanted to be one. My
mom I kept telling her in 2006 I wanted to kill my self. During that
summer. it finally struck her. I seriously wanted to kill my self. So she
called the doctor. And the doctor called crisis in New bedford Mass. And i
told my mom Im not going unless i see my grandmother. Everyone in my family
noticed signs of depression in me. I was sleeping late. I wasnt going
anywhere. I wasnt happy. I was crying to much i was swearing/ lying
impulvily. I just said things i didnt mean. At the time I kinda new i was
ready. but couldnt admit it. That was hospitalizon number 1. I probally
stayed out of a hospital till about i was 13. Then I was in 6th grade. And
Everything changed. School sucked. Everyone was making fun of me. Harrasing
me calling me a lesbian. No one was there to help me when my world was
crashing. So i told my pysctrisht i wanted to go back in the hospital so
she put me back in i wasnt happy she digonased me as bipolar which i also
was p***** as f*** about. :[ I still do this day. wont take meds for
bipolar and still curse impulsivly. i dont know i cant help it. bipolar
medication doesnt work. when i was 13 and a half. i went to 5 mental
hospitals. it was crazy. i stayed out of 7 grade. thats why i didnt talk
about 7 th grade. i probably went for a week. i got tutored for most of the
year. and thats the best i ever did in school. this year was the most worse
yar of my life. Ive been to 2 mental hospitals in less than 2 months what
for, trying to swallow pills cutting and running away. The second time is
worse. i cut my cousin inthe hand causing him 5 stiches. my mother called
dcf on me. and im fianlly back at home 3 weeks later. that night when i cut
my cousin my brother wacked me to the tile floor.

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3 Comments

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  • omg that is so sad. i had depression once. it lasted about 6 months, but then i was fine. It started from some dream that i cant remember. I remember thinking what the point of life is and when i couldnt think of anything, i wanted to die. it went away and i am so happy about that. I wiss you luck.

  • F*** that Jesus bullshit.
    Man up and stop crying over silly things.
    Being a teenager sucks, but it is a quick process and believe it or not, when you're thirty six you'll miss those years.

    SO stop wasting them on depression and go have fun. Now.

  • Ask Jesus to forgive your sins, and ask him to take control of your life - you will be amazed how it will improve

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