She's like a drug.

Okay, I can't take it anymore, and I just want someone to help me.

I think this all started a few years ago, when I was maybe 13. There was a girl that I met who I'd... well, become very attached to, an another girl who I started to cling to, as well. I remember being crushed when they got into a relationship together; I thought I'd wanted so bad to be with one of them, and I started taking out all my frustrations about it on one friend, and I was never shy about how much I "loved" her. She started to resent me for it, and this crushed me for months; I'm even willing to say it had lingering effects for about a year afterwards. I don't remember how I overcame my dependancy on her, but part of me wonders if I'd latched onto someone else. Which brings me to the next thing.

There's another girl who I've known for very long beforehand, but we've been really talking for two years or so. She's wonderful, really; we share just about everything, and as far as friends go, I'd even be willing to admit that we're pretty dang close. But for some time, I've began to have the same feelings I used to have toward the other person. I feel like I need her all the time. When I'm planning something, I always think of when she said she might be on MSN or something. I've begun to grow suspicious of her, even if, when I think about it rationally, she's just being about as friendly as she's always been. It bothers me all the time, now, whether I'm worrying over the fact that I think she's starting to dislike me (which, again, she probably isn't, but I just can't shake this feeling) or whether I'm worrying over how dependent I'm starting to become on her. The difference here is, I'm not vocal about my need for her. I just act very normal around her, and she doesn't catch on. She doesn't have a single clue of how I truly feel about her.

I could never imagine leaving her, either. I know all friends part ways someday, but I feel like my life would be over if we did. Nothing makes sense without her; I feel like my life has no meaning without her. I know this isn't healthy at all, and I just want to feel normal. I still want to be her friend, I want to stay close friends with her.

I just don't want to live for her anymore. I want to live for me.

Someone, help me. Please.

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