I'm pathetic. how can a person feel so worthless by doing something, as well as love doing it? to me, they can't. i'm looking for an excuse to think that what i am doing is acceptable. I was never the type of girl to give off the impression that i was easy, or that i was the 'No Strings Attached' kind of girl, but looking at what i've done now you'd say i'm full of s*** and i'm not convincing anyone about the type of girl i actually am. We met a long time ago, started out as friends and then he had his way of making me feel like no one else could, the reason to believe in i guess you could say. One thing started to lead to another, and the innocent 'hey baby, how are you?' text turned into 'i love the feeling of you riding my shaft'.. so, me being the completely oblivious dumbass i am, thought well maybe he actually likes me and if he's talking to me like this then i doubt he's talking to others like that too. things went on for a while, and then eventually once i asked if he was interested in me, things changed and our everyday conversations went to every once in a f****** blue moon. I was left absolutely devistated. No longer thought of myself as a girl with self-worth and more of just another 'tric'. He had this way of making me feel like i was on top of the world, after words as if i didn't even belong to be on it. I don't want to say that i was in love with him, but i thought highly of him, and to this day i still do. to this day, i still wish it was me he came home to. when he talks about his 'dream girl' i get jealous.. she isn't even real yet! I can't let him go, and i don't know if its because for some reason i'm not walking away just incase, or because my head is so far up in the f****** clouds i like to believe that one day he's going to realize what he could have, i doubt that'll ever happen. last night, the text started again and to tell you the truth a part of me likes the way he talks to me and turns me on, and even has me hoping that one day that'll be me and him, again. He tells me i'm not a booty call, ha ha he's only saying it so that i don't feel even worse.. some times i get mad, other times i feel love. i'm so f***** in the head, someone needs to tell me if maybe, just maybe he'll realize what he's missing..