There are times that I feel like eating so much that my stomach aches and I can't eat anymore. Then, what I do, is I throw it all up until I can only dry heave. I don't do this because I think I'm fat, I do this because I'm miserable and it makes me feel better. The problem is that the actual throwing up doesn't feel good, and when I do it, it's because I know I deserve the pain. It's because I hate myself. It's a form of self-harm, self punishment. The best part, though, is when I'm finally empty and I feel so accomplished and free, as if I've thrown up the worst part of myself. Then I look in the mirror and I suck in my stomach as hard as I can, and I feel like I've accomplished something.