The One For Me?

I tell my boyfriend that he sucks at making love when he's actually the best. I push him away because I'm afraid to hold him close. I hurt myself down there because I feel like I deserve the pain. I tell him I don't want it because I don't know how to handle such warmth and tender kindness. I get angry when he says my body is beautiful. I wanna tell him how much I really love him and how happy I really am with him, but I am so afraid of letting go of my insecurities that I always hear my mind saying, "I don't love him." just so I can keep that wall up around him. I love him, even though I hold myself back. I love him, even though my heart is so afraid of loving another that it becomes cold. I cry for him. I always read and save all of his text messages he sent me until my inbox is full and I have to erase them, which is painful. I always regret getting angry at him, because all of the times I get mad at him, I only do because of my own insecurities.I sometimes hate him because he loves me so. I don't want to let him go because he may just be the one...and I guess I'm just so afraid to let myself be happy and go with the flow of thing that I would rather make everything complicated and horrible on purpose just so he won't know just how much I love him and want him to be mine forever....

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  • ok besides the c*** cutting... this sounds exactly like my bf. i always tell him i love him, but he has to make everything miserable. it sucks.

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