I can never seem to be happy
I'm a girl in ninth grade and I'm homeschooled, have been my whole life. Next year I'm going to go to public school. My parents are good and I do love them.
But, for this last year i have been having insomnia problems and been very depressed. In in the last couple months I've become suicidal. And Ive seriously considered different methods. I just recently came to terms with the fact that I want my life to end. I've told my parents that I want therapy and they've basically brushed it aside. I don't think they believe me. When I was trying to be really honest to them and explain how scared I am my mom started threatening to take me to the hospital. It was almost like one extreme or another.
Ever since that discussion I've hurt myself a lot to relieve some pressure. But, on the outside Im trying to act exactly how I used to before I got so hopeless. They seem to believe my act and think that I was just being a hormonal normal teenager.
All of the things that I used to rely on as my outlet when I got especially sad are just not working anymore. I used to rely on reading to keep my head busy. I had a friend who I would try to meet w/ so I could keep busy. But, now she's not really my friend anymore.
My life is falling apart all around me. And the worst part is no one else can see it happening but me. It's like I'm looking in on my life and I'm screaming for help but no one else sees me crying and dying inside.