I hate myself
No matter what I am never satisfied with myself. I know this stems from my mother. She has spent her entire life dissatisfied with herself. I found her secret stashes diet pills( dozens of bottles of different sorts), watched her try every new cosmetic, and reach for every unachievable goal out there.
I know I should love myself. I'm lucky. I am lucky to be alive, to be decently attractive (normal in my opinion), not poor (neither rich), and have a decent paying job ( that i hate). Yet and still every time I look at myself I hate myself. I hate everything about my physical being.
Everyone tells me how beautiful I am and I wish I could see it. I cant figure out how to find normalcy when I perceive myself as being so broken. I wonder sometimes if some of us are just born too broken to ever be normal. I just want to wake up look in the mirror and not hate what I see.