My words for you

You know, I still adore your perfume, it kills me standing next to you every day, every single day of my life and being unable to hold you, kiss you and tell you how much I love you.
I know I may be a m********, we were never a couple, but when I put myself in a vulnerable position to make you feel like you carry the chains to my heart, you never said or even implied that I couldn't have a chance with you, , so i kept going and going, and wasting time of my life falling further in love with you. Vacations and time away from you did nothing after I waved at you today.
And you still smile at me with that gesture, that mystery gesture which doesn't tell me anything other than "I'm thinking of you"
And so I do, I think about how my mornings would be at your side, how I would make a meal for you, how I would kiss you, watch you sleep peacefully.

I LOVE YOU, I've never actually said that to you because I know very well the outcome of that conversation, and yet i still imagine myself every minute that passes by, if you just opened your heart to me and gave me a chance, I'm sure I would make you so happy. But the chance never comes, and probably never will. So i just keep staring at you, crying on the inside sulking on my pain and swallowing my tears, for the words you will never hear from me, for the kisses I will never give you, for never being intimate with you, never letting you know what I am capable of doing for you.
I will continue to bear this burden, until I run out of excuses for running into you, and my heart will just have to move on... or stop beating.
I love you...

I love you so much
and I hate that you don't
and specially I despise myself for loving you and wasting my time fantasizing about the lips i will never get to feel

I love you, and I wanna tell you every day, at all times...
and I wanted you to tell me the same thing...

I love you...

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  • It's okay . :) . How did u confess your true feeling to her? I kind of envy your guts . I cant tell her how I truly feels . i'm afraid she'll keep a distant between me and her when she finds out .

  • Well,you should be careful, but not scared, I won't lie to you... it has ruined our friendship, but not because I told her my feelings, but because someone else always stays close to her and flirts with her, and she "doesn't" push him away.

    You see.. she claims she's not interested in him and that she doesn't know how to get rid of him... so she says... but when I see them together, her words don't match her actions, and it p***** me off that she says something and does a completely different thing.

    I would easily get over her if she just told me she's not interested in me, but she never does, and I just want to rub it in her face, how miserable she makes me feel making me walk in circles ( so to speak). But the problem is... I'm a nobody in her life after all.. even though I'm the closest thing she has to a true friend and I know all her secrets, I still Don't feel like I have a right to ask her to treat me better/ nice/ with respect.
    I know it's stupid, but it feels like a very needy thing to say. So instead of telling it to her, I swallow my feelings and let them loose in here, that way.. my situation won't get worse ( than it already is)
    Like I said, Now I'm well aware that what I want will never happen, not with her :) and I'm also aware that getting a new crush won't solve a thing.. I just gotta get over her...

    Which, up to this point.. is going... very slow... but pretty well :)

  • What is it about her that u like?

  • She's passionate of her goals in life, she talks with the utmost confidence in herself, shes no model but to my eyes she es beautiful.. If I had to say, she's perfect ( love glasses on hehe).
    I have a very sensitive nose, and she always smells very good,she wears a very sweet perfume all the time, which makes me hard to stand near her, or her hair and stop from getting closer and hug and kiss her.
    I love her eyes as well, she has the most innocent stare I've seen, never expects anything bad from people, always smiles and laughs, she's a very happy person when people are around her, but she falls to pressure whenever night comes or when she has the privacy of her home, she texts me and we start chatting on and on, and before we know it, it's 3 am.

    And even though she enjoys spending time with me, she never makes an effort or even let me know that she doesn't take me for granted, which, after all these years... I've come to unwillingly have to accept by now.

    But there's still a drop of faith in me... still thinking she could change, she could grow up and get over her showing-my-feelings issues, because I know she feels something more than friendship for me, but always makes excuses to not talk about it, but she never says to me, "I dislike you, I'm not interested, it will never happen".

    I want her to grow up, but I can't force her to...

    I just hope she doesn't realize her feelings in a far off future, because I don't know how much more i can keep my arms wide open waiting for her.

  • I bet your future girlfriend will be lucky to have someone like you . you're a great guy . Mind giving me some tips on how to tell her that I love her?

  • Sure thing :), sorry for late reply I've oozing out for a while :)

  • More like unexpressed love. You see lots of these here and every one knows the answer but continues to carry the torch as some sort of exercise in self torture. Get off the pot or give it up. Don't be a coward because what you have with this person now is not healthy for you.

  • My friend , u and I share the same situation . I do too love her smell . I love her but I don't think she ever likes me the way I like her . She used to hug me , hold my hand and saying sweet things which made me likes her . Maybe she knew it , she knew that I was falling for her . It feels like she can read my mind , every single thing that I wanna do with her , I think she knew it . I hate that, the fact that she's on my mind everyday . I want to be able to make her mine but it will never come true cause she's in love with someone else . I have nothing to compare to the person she loves . He's perfect in her eyes , i'm just the so not attractive friend . I feel like a fool . Feel like she's just playing with my heart , not taking me seriously . Is she taking me for granted? I dont know . ouch . It hurts . I knew that something like this might happen but I just Ignore it cause my expectation for everything to change between her and me is too high . I shouldn't have listen to my heart from the start . I regret it cause now I live in frustration . An unrequited love .

  • You know, you made me feel vulnerable, because we are in the exact same position :/ she is "in love with someone else" even thought she won't admit it, and yes, she's kept me in the friend zone as well, yes I'm a fool, and yes it hurts...

    I was almost scared, because i thought you were someone I know, since you replicated my feelings so well, but thank god none of my friends can speak English.

    Thank you for your reply, it gives me warmth to know someone understands what I've gone through.

    I'll just hope we can move on as soon as possible :)

  • I don't think I know you . I'm an asian , where are u from? I hope u'll find someone who can truly love u, soon . U deserve someone better , someone who can realize how special you are . thank you fo sharing , u make me feel a lot better .

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