About a year ago.. exactly 9 months and
About a year ago.. exactly 9 months and 13 days ago.. i was raped.. i didnt know the guy and i have never seen him in my life. im 16 at the time i was 15.. there are so many details i cant tell anyone.. im scared... the only person that knows anything about what all happened is the love of my life.. here is part of a poem ive been writing when i get depressed!:
i will never forgive you for what you've done to. i know its been 9 months and 12 days since you hurt me. you broke me and took something that belonged to me!
you too my truest away you also took my life and happiness to this day everything's so clear i see your face everywhere the look of anger on your face i dont know your name nor do i know you. i remember what you smelled like i remember what you were wearing maybe if i gave it up to you! it wouldn't have happened how it did. no ive been in pain for almost a year i wish it'd go away i tried to end it. not the best idea. every once in a while i get depressed and think about everything. i can't help but wonder where you are and if you feel bad for what you've done! now not only will i suffer from when i get angry and sad with you. but the love of my life will suffer too.. remember you grabbed my arms and slammed me down you hurt me but didnt care i yelled no so many times and you didnt listen. i tried to push you away but you slapped me.. you tried to grab me neck but i bit you. and you bit me back.i started to crey knowing no matter what i did i couldt get you off me. i kicked screamed and begged you to leave me alone./ you didnt. i didnt know how long you would go on like that.. you finally let my hands go. but i was in too much pain to move.. i sat there still and you still didnt pull out.. i told you to get off and you saif NO and grabbed my hands again and again you started hurting me i didnt know waht to do you finally pilled away and let go.. i grabbed my clothes and ran. i say behing a tree trying to keep myself together . i heard leaved crunch under shoes and turned around and there you were.. i stood up and you grabbed my neck.and told me i liked itand asked if i wanted more.. i started crying again think its all happening again. you grabbed my wrist and you pulled me back to the truck and told me to get in. and you pushed me in and got in yourself licked the doo and started the truck.you told me if i ever told a soul . you'd find out and kill me.. right now i'm not afrain of death.i've actually thought about it alot.. you may thinkgs its selfish and irresponsible but you the one that put me through this pain.... --MORE--
There is like 3 pages and still not done.. when i get depressed i write.. i havent yet found out who the guy was and this case is unsolved and they are closeing it.. i dont want it to happen to other girls.. but i cant stop it cause i dont know the guy...
please help me deal with this.. i dont knwo how..
i do have the lvoe of my life.. and he knows about it.. and he helps me when i get depressed.. i love him to death and i thank him for being here over the last year and a half.. I LOVE YOU BABE...