Comfortable In The Relationship Or Careless
I've been seriously dating the same guy for nine months and I've recently noticed some changes that I'm not sure about.
When we met I was a bit chubby, but I exercised daily and ate decently healthy, as I was an over full time college student who occasionally had to drink energy drinks for all nighters and eat fast food because I couldn't pull myself from my books long enough to make real food.
My boyfriend had a physical labor job and was tan with really really nice biceps although the rest of him wasn't perfect and being at work all the time where his clothes got ruined his clothes always looked kinda rugged-but it was a hot rugged look...
As it turned out we were very very sexually compatible and ended up having s** a lot. Having s** with him so regularly made metabolism pick up and having such.. vigorous s** added into my usual exercises made me start loosing a lot of weight in the first three months we were together.
In those first months my boyfriend seemed to keep up with himself more too. Like he shaved-everywhere. I'll be honest, it weirded me out that he shaved his legs, but I appreciated that he kept some other hairy regions of his body as neatly shaved as I did. And he was good about other hygiene practices as well.
The fourth month we got together he changed jobs to a desk job that paid more. It seems that after that he started wearing nicer clothes because of his nicer job, but he slowly quit shaving and lost his muscle definition and got really kinda sickly pale from being inside all the time. He ended up looking more scruffy than he did when he did physical labor outside for twelve hours a day.
I work out a lot more now and look better than ever, and honestly, a lot of it is for him. It's not that I need his approval or an ego stroke, but I like looking my best for my guy-although I seem to get tons of compliments from everyone but him.. But it seems he doesn't feel the same for me anymore.
My family and a few of my friends have recently made comments to me about him putting on weight, which he is, and looking generally more worse for wear. He only ever bothers to eat tons of junk food anymore and without his old job that made him work it off, its not going anywhere. He hates the idea of going for a run with me and refuses to do any kind of exercise or eat healthier-I even started to learn how to cook just to save him from all the fast food but he's not interested. He's even a lot lazier in bed. He used to always want to be in control and active, but now all he wants is to lay back and let me do all the work-which at first I didn't mind, but after three months of it always being me doing everything, it's growing on my nerves...
And I've respected his decisions without making any of the comments that were made to me, but the other day I asked if he could maybe trim the hair of his neither region because it's starting to really bother me when I give him oral and he flat out told me no because he didn't want to. I even asked if he'd do it for me since i keep myself neat and clean for him and he told me, "Well, you don't have to. We've been together for nine months now so I don't really mind anymore. I don't see any reason I can't let myself go now too."
I was just shocked, mostly because I have done the opposite of letting myself go. Don't get me wrong it's not that I'm not comfortable and think if I don't make myself look my best he'll leave me or something because its not like that at all. He's seen me at my way less than best plenty of times, and it's fine.
But he's completely letting himself go to the point of we went out together a couple of nights ago with some of my friends and I looked over at him and realized how...sloppy he looked and I was actually embarrassed to be with him.
And I'm not shallow, I'm really not. But it is embarrassing to go out with someone who didn't even bother to find an unwrinkled shirt or ask me to iron one and didn't brush his teeth or wash his hair and wore cargo kakki shorts and old flip flops to a more classy night out where nice jeans would've been more appropriate and he knew that just chose not to care.
Honestly this is the longest relationship I've ever been in so I've never reached the point where it's ok to let yourself go or whatever and honestly I've never seen a reason to let yourself go as much as he has so I don't know what this means. Is he just comfortable and that's somehow a good thing or does he really just not care anymore? And that would be bad, right?
I could really use someone else's opinion and advice if they could spare it.