I have been a few times and had a girl give me a "happy ending" after a massage. I feel guilty because I was brought up going to church and I feel like marriage is sacred. I am just very lonely and sad because I am not married. I could never have s** with them because I already feel too guilty and ashamed. I also don't want to catch an STD.
I really hope I don't harm these girls in any way but I am afraid I might hurt them emotionally. I hope they don't hate me. I could tell one girl did not like doing this kind of work. I would never insist or pressure them for anything.
Often they seem nice and we talk a lot.
Sometimes I just ask them to cuddle so I can pretend for a moment that there is some love in my empty life.
I am afraid no decent woman would ever want me now if they knew what I really was. I want to stop and hope my life changes.