I've been wanting to die more than anything else but day by day I play as if this wasn't true. And I forget about and about move one...but at night and when I drink I think about it. I have no future. I'm not built to think or create or be happy. I have inherent flaws which make it difficult for this to continue and make me perpetually unhappy. If I was lucky I would have died already....but physically I'm built to survive a f****** tornado. This is just torture.