I'm losing it.

Last night I got drunk for the first time ever. Why? I'm not even sure. I think I'm just tired; I'm seventeen but I feel like I'm fifty.
I regret drinking. It's against my beliefs and I'm perfectly ashamed of myself. But I needed a break from everything, you know? Every day is the same dream, nothing ever changes. Except when things get worse.
I need to change myself. I need to stop the cutting. And now, I need to stop the drinking before it becomes a problem.
But how? I don't know how to change.
I just want to be happy.

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