I'm a horrible person

I've been married for 21 years and for 19 of those, I had the most amazing lover outside of my marriage. As an outstanding co-incidence, he met someone new and didn't tell me and it caused a break-up fight between us within one week of my husband finding incriminating texts on my cell phone. At least once a month, I've done something anonymously to "bother" this ex-boyfriend. I'm sure he would call it "stalking" if you asked him. Things like ordering books using the name of his ex-girlfriend that he wanted to marry but SHE cheated on HIM. and I've thrown eggs at his car and denied it when he sent me an email about it. The VERY worst part is that I considered him to be one of my top five best friends for all that time, and the way he lied to me one of the last times I went to visit him and asked if he was interested in someone new and he said no and then I find out that he WAS interested in someone new has sent me into mourning for the last two years. He cheated on three girlfriends with me during those 20 years. He could say things to me like "I'm only good in bed because of you. You made me good in bed." and then he could just toss me to the side like a used tissue. I drove to his house 155 times in two & 1/2 years. It felt like we had a 20 year courtship, a three year honeymoon, then he went out for a pack of cigarettes and never came back.

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  • This is just un-freaking believable!

  • Why are you mad at him? Your the W**** for f****** outside of your marriage. HE is single. YOU are not. If he wants to see someone else then he can do that. You took vows with your HUSBAND; this lover didn't take vows with you. Your one f***** up person. You want sympathy for this s*** too? woooow. S***....

  • It's all about the apology. Since my husband found out, I apologized many times a day for months. It almost seemed like we were reconciling a few times.
    All I've ever wanted from this ex-boyfriend is a sincere apology. He KNEW that if he told me he was interested in someone new, I would have backed off. I have never interfered between him and any girlfriend he had. It was the fact that we have known each other all these years and we had been honest about every relationship so far that bothers me. We both knew I was married. We were both okay with that. HE was getting interested in someone new and didn't tell me.
    I've discovered that he falls into every word of the definition of a narcissist.

  • Yes. My husband had absolutely no clue for 19 years. I used to like to go to comedy clubs and my "friend" would also happen to be there and sometimes we'd leave together early. Then when all the kids got in school, I could text him and ask if he "wanted some company" for the morning and if he said yes, I would get there as fast as possible (35 mile drive there, stay a couple hours then 35 miles home). Someone said I wanted to "have my cake and eat it too". Nope. I wanted the cake and the frosting.

  • Pretty f***** up. Did you lover want you to leave your husband for him and you never would? Did you think you could keep him in 2nd place forever?

  • He never wanted me to leave my husband. We always said it was just s**. One time I didn't see him for six years. The thing that hurts the most is that all that time, he cheated on his girlfriends with me, then this time he didn't tell me that he was starting to see someone new while still seeing me, so it felt like I was the one being cheated on (I know it sounds horrible, but to me there's a difference.) Once I wrote to him, "I thought that even if we weren't honest with other people, at least we were honest with each other." I should remember that if someone cheats WITH you, they'll cheat ON you. He would send me mixed messages all the time. He could tell me he wanted to make love to me, then the next day say that what we do isn't making love, it's just s**. I try remember "don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." And I'm very sad to lose a 20 year friendship with him. That I miss most of all.

  • It's pretty amazing though that you had an affair with this guy for 19 years and your husband never found clues until the end with the text messages... ?

    Did you really have more feelings for the guy than just being about s** mainly ? Because it sure seems like it... for all the revenge/stalking tactics you've done since the affair ended.

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