Back to old ways.

Today, I read p*** online, and I almost masturbated again. I've had a rough week, (my birthday was a bomb, and not the good kind) My crush(es) have been ignoring me, I guess. I missed the biggest opportunity to talk to him. :( I got super shy, and basically clammed up. I started feeling a little apprehensive about going to school (I love school) and I just felt crummy all this week. The crazy thing is, all of this stuff isn't so bad. I have all of the symptoms of depression, but I don't wanna claim it. If I do, it becomes to real ya know? I've made myself numb. I've blocked off all type of emotions, and the only ones that I can feel is sadness and guilt. I'm ready for a change of heart though. I've prayed to God, and I know that he forgives me. Sometimes I forget that I have to stop relying on my emotions, because they deceive me. I'm gonna get it right though. The beginning of the day was rough, but I'm gonna get it right. God is with me, and will always be. No matter what He loves me, and I won't take advantage of that gift anymore. I appreciate it. <3

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  • DON'T FREAK OUT MASTURBATING AND WATCHING P*** IS JUST FINE TO DO.. A LOT BETTER THEN ROBBING A LIQUOR STORE OR KILLING SOMEONE.. BECOME AN ATHEIST IT'S WHAT GOD WOULD WANT YOU TO DO

  • I have the same sexual and emotional struggles, am lonely and depressed. I am a middle aged man and feel abandoned by God because all I ever wanted was to be married. I prayed for years. I tried to avoid bad realtionships and pursue what I thought were decent women. I seem to be losing hope and faith. Guess I am not offering much advice or encouragement. All I can say is you are not alone.

  • The Bible has both God's law and man's law. Take masturbation.... it being wrong was how Kings or Lords would control the population. Such as "women having to wear their hair up to separate them from the harlots", that's man's law as well.

    God's ultimate law, and the one you are disconnected from, is Love. The Bible says, "God is love, he who loves, abides in God and God in him." Also says, "He who does not love, cannot know God." So NOW I want you to focus on experiencing God, rather than just knowing of His existence. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. This can be restated as, You cannot love your neighbor, unless you first love yourself.

    Jesus, in one of the lost books, either the book of Enoch or the book of Thomas, was asked when we'd know if we were where we needed to be. He answered, "When you can remove all your garments and stand before God with NO self judgment." Your depression is because you have placed judgment upon yourself. Instead of seeing yourself as being love, being born to radiate and share the love that you were born to be, you see yourself less than. All negative feelings begin with thought. It's not emotion that deceives, it's your mind, and how you perceive the emotion.

    Keeping yourself numb, why? Emotions are a way of God to communicate with you. Take depression, fear, anger etc. Negative emotions. We pin them on the experience that caused them, when they are actually signs telling us that we are separate from the state of being we are meant to be in. The Bible also says, "Maintain your love while waiting....." this is because in doing so, "God's love is perfected" in you.

    God does love you, but he's not asking you to just know that, he's wanting you to truly experience it. Get a book from the bookstore called "A Gift in Miracles". It is Christian based, however this whole book focuses on suffering, and how absence from love, and holding onto guilt instead of practicing forgiveness is the root to all emotional suffering.

  • I will pray for you. God loves you. Be strong <3

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