I think I really screwed this up!

About 9 years ago I had a one night stand with a guy I met online. We only met the one time. We did a lot of phone sexing and explicit emails over the course of a couple of months. I told him I was done with the whole affair and we stopped communicating. This was COMPLETELY out of character for me and I have regretted it ever since.

Fast forward to today-almost 10 years later. I have met my soulmate. We totally get each other. It's like we were together in a past life. I have never felt so whole before - now I know what 'You complete me' means. He's been telling me about his best friend and telling his best friend about me. The more he tells me the more I start to remember that one night stand. Well of course, as it turns out, it's him.

I am devastated. I have not 'met' him yet but I know it's him. (Same name, same town (small midwestern town), same profession, same hometown (Honolulu).

What do I do? Do I tell my boyfriend ahead of time (He would be MORTIFIED!!!) or do I wait to meet his best friend and hope that he doesn't remember me?


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  • I agree tell him before you meet the guy that you and him had something 10 years ago but you ended it.

  • I really don't understand what the big deal is. You had an affair with this guy a decade before your current love came along. So what if the guy turns out to be someone he knows?? You weren't supposed to live life before he came along ? WTF ?

  • You've been playing in an online world where anonymity reigns over reality. You think you know someone better than you've ever known anyone else and occasionally fuse it with reality.

    Truth often challenges what you thought you knew in big ways.

    He and his friend have been in that game, as well. Person-to-person interaction reveals much. In this case that you f***** his friend. Can he deal with that? Could be he already knows. In fact, it's likely he knows.

    Be up-front. Once you've confirmed it, tell the guy you hadsomething with his friend long ago. He may or may not want the full details but tell him if he asks.

    If he can't handle that so be it. It will be one thing of many in the discovery of the reality of your relationship that will test it.

  • Thanks for the advice. I want to be completely honest with my bf. I am so afraid that I will lose him - even thought it was a decade ago and I didn't even know he existed. I really hope he can take it for what it was - a momentary lapse in an otherwise completely vanilla life.

    My advice to everyone - those fleeting indiscretions can come back and bite you in the ass. Fast forward to a few years down the road and picture your tryst coming to light. Are you OK with that? If not, DON'T DO IT!!!

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