Fearing My Diagnosis.

Ever since I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, I've lived in fear that no one will ever want me because of the stigma attached to my mental illness.
It always scares me to think of getting close to people because I'm afraid that when they find out what's wrong with me, they won't want me anymore.

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  • Not everyone with BPD acts like that.
    Was your comment meant to hurt or help?

  • I dated a girl with BPD and she was NUTS. It was 4 years of pure H***. She was so beautiful, and charming and i was SO in love with her. But she was paranoid, always accusing me of s***, she would turn her love and off at will. One minute she loved me, the next she didn't. She was there for me one minute and not the next. She was so affectionate and loving and caring, then the next minute i would catch her saying lewd things to some guy via text. She broke my heart several times over. She would get suicidal just for attention,i called her one night and she said she was going to kill herself, then i could hear her loudly (intentionally) digging through a drawer supposedly looking for a knife. She said she cut herself, and i said tell me you're lying or im calling 911. She said "ok im lying. im going to sleep goodnight". I said f*** you tell me the truth. She said ok i cut myself and im getting so cold. I'm bleeding out. I'm tired i cant keep my eyes open. I was crying and my car was broke down and i couldnt come there. I said you need to come get me or i'm calling 911, i need to know you're ok. She wouldn't and wouldn't tell me if she was playing. i called 911 and she said i gotta go the ambulance is here and hung up. she called me back and said she would never forgive me for that, and it was over a year ago, and she hasn't talked to me since. all because i was afraid that she was going to die. if she wouldve died and i didn't do anything i would never have forgave myself, so i HAD to. She put me in situations like tha all the time. once we were out at a work function and she was flirting with a coworker, and put her hands on his chest. i snapped and we went home and i said im leaving. she stood in my way and said no you're not. she started punching me in the face so i pushed her off me. she was so drunk that she fell backwards, and hit her back on a dresser. she called the police and two days later they came and arrested me. she got a 4 year restraining order. i had to go to court and during that time i drove by her house and saw that my friend was over there. i called her from a payphone and said Eric is there? WTF? I said i am DONE wtih you, i don't give a sht if you drop the order im never talking to you again. she kicked him out and dropped the charges and then wanted to get back wtih me. we got back for a while, but then she started going out every weekend, got a babysitter and hired her until midnight. she would turn her phone off nad not come home until 5am. no regard for the sitter. she was seeing some old guy and was making out with him in the bar in front of our coworkers an i had to hear about it at work it was so embarassing. she destroyed me. my heart still hurts over that. despite it all i still love her and miss her and would do anything to get her back. there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about her. i don't know where she lives. i havent talked to her in 6 months and i cry a lot missing her. she was so crazy but i loved her. i still do. i miss you baby. come back .

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