I am extremely jealous of my friend and her boyfriend. i am not in love with her boyfriend, i just think he's quite cute and he seems almost perfect from the way he treats her and she describes him. i think she isn't 'worthy' of him. she always acts as if she is the most innocent girl in front of him and he is head over heels for her for that. but i know deep inside she isnt what she portrays herself to be in front of him.. she told him he was the first guy she went out with when in fact he wasn't. i know but i can't possibly tell him right? i won't too. i don't want to damage their relationship i am just clueless why i am experiencing so much of a jealousy here and i wanna confess so that i can get over this.
i was the one who brought them together. after i did, i was sincerely happy for them for a while because at least my friend was really happy. but after some time, she started neglecting all her friends and is forever so immersed in the relationship he seems like the only person who exists on earth. then slowly when i saw photos of how sweet they are together and how much the guy seems to love her i started to feel jealousy.. thoughts like 'why is she so lucky?' 'how i wish i didnt bring them together' started to appear on my mind very often. i couldnt stand how lucky she is even though she wasn't as good as what the guy thinks she is.
i dislike the way she behaves in front of him, dislike the way she neglects me for him, dislike how lucky she is to be able to find such a good guy (good looking and nice) when she isn't that pretty and all.. i know im being superficial here and i really hate myself for being like this. she used to be my best friend but now i just avoid talking to her altogether cos she will always reply half heartedly since she is forever busy with her bf. i avoid talking to her just so i start to dislike her more. i hate how i am srsly, i hate how jealous i am. and how pretentious i get when i often to have bring myself to act like im really happy for them when deep inside me it's all just jealousy.
i really have no idea why im like this :( this kind of jealously is only towards this couple, i have other best friends who are attached happily and i sincerely feel happy for them. but towards this couple i dont know why i just can't feel this way now. initially i could, but not now anymore. is it because she is neglecting me, or because she is happy and i am not, or because i really think the guy is too good for her, or because it's her first relationship and it's so successful but somehow i just think she doesn't deserve tis guy, or what? :'( i really need to get over this man i hate being like this im such a mean and ugly person.
please help out if you're reading this. :'(