Hopefully this will help
I hate myself. I have no job, no prospect of any kind of a future and I want to kill myself. The only reason I don't is my girlfriend and daughter. I finally find a job that hurts to much to perform the duties after 3 years. Every where I turn people second guess every decision I make and everything I say or do is regarded as the working of an idiot. I wish I could just end the suffering I feel every minute of every day but I can't bring myself to be without them. Even right now I know they would be better off without me but to not be able to see their faces anymore gives me panic attacks. I feel I have no where to turn and nothing will ever get better.