Where do I begin...

It's been ten months since I broke up with my girlfriend. We were going strong, but then a lot of things started happening and I ended up breaking things off. I wanted to start over again. I was just starting a fresh semester in college, I was two days from moving out of my parents' place and getting my own apartment with a friend. It just seemed like the right time.
It's been ten months. I have seen her once since I broke up with her, until this weekend. She messages me and we talk about a few matters of her faith that she's having problems with. In the end, I tell her that I think we should meet to talk about it. So, two days later, there she is in my living room.
We sat up and talked from sunset to sunrise. Just like old times. It was just... nice. I didn't necessarily think that we were going to get back together. Matter of fact, I was and still am,fairly happy as a single man right now. I'm at a place where I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.
Then we get to the point of all this. Second night. We get friends over, have a few beers, she drinks with us. Again, it was nice to just hang out like we did when we were just good friends. And then the party is over, everyone goes to bed, friends leave, and she's there without a ride home.
A head leaned on a shoulder turns into a hand on hers, turns into arms wrapped around one another, turns into kissing, turns into laying bed with nothing but skin on skin and my hands on her body and her lips dragging over every inch of me.
It's been ten months since I broke up with my girlfriend. I have seen her once since then, up until now. And now, just when I finally feel comfortable enough with myself to be around her... I go and have some of the best s** of my entire life with her on the floor of my bedroom.
I don't know if I love her still. I don't know if it was just the combination of two lonely, h****, drunk college kids who had a h*** of a lot of chemistry getting together and opening up to one another for the first time in nearly a year. Maybe this is just how it is. Maybe I've royally screwed up everything, just like I always do. I don't know.
I just don't f****** know.

3 Comments

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  • Hope things get better and make more sense

  • Get back together, you guys will get married one day.

  • It sounds like to me that you feel that you are confused about getting back with your ex although part of you still misses her. It's good that you are finally comfortable with yourself; maybe things will work better next time if you decide to start your relationship with her again. My main advice is to try taking things slow, and to not have too many expectations. Good luck!

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