Just a vent

I've been depressed for years. I've taken alot of bullcrap since forever. I've been bullied, verbally abused, left alone, physically abused, and raped. All things that I can't vent to anyone except online people about because all those things that I listed above were acts done by people I trusted and loved. But I'm known as a strong girl. I've always have been. It's a facade I have that has been going strong for years. So everyone decides to take their anger out on me. Eventually it built up and I ended up with a severe case of depression. My parents didn't and still don't want to believe that their daughter could ever be upset, same for my friends. And lately..everything is setting me off. I was recovering for a good 4 months and suddenly it all came back. Anyway I was washing dishes two days ago and while washing a bowl, it slipped and fell against the sink, smashing all over the floor and my stomach. Being the upset dumbass I am, I grabbed a piece and just cut across my arm. After I did that, I lost all senses. I just kept cutting. Now I have 6 cuts healing on my right arm and 4 cuts on my left arm. I put on cover up but it came off after my first period class. I'm scared that someone might notice and send me off as a crazy or suicidal person. I don't want to have to let down my guard and tell someone everything I've been holding back. And I can't stop. Everyday I get more and more reasons to take out anything sharp and just cut away.

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  • You really are not alone. I am actually in the same boat. Everybody sees me as a happy go jolly teen, but deep inside i F****** hate life! I have recently though been overcoming that feeling, and the honest to God reason is because of my friend. I do not trust her completely yet, but she trusts me with everything. I guess the reason she is helping me through this is because i tell her somethings and she actually understands and accepts it. When i was young my father, who is no longer apart of my life since i was like 5, molested me. Ya it sucks to know that but i dont tell anyone, i have never told a soul. My family knows because they told me i was older. The best thing you can do in your situation is to find that one person who you can trust to comfort you when you need it and someone who wont judge you. For me thats my best friend, dont trust any guys, 18 and have never been in a relationship. I dont blame it on what my father did though... i just assume its me. who i am. You can get over this depression, its hard as h*** but you have to try your hardest to look at things in a different light. Start enjoying small things, find something your interested in. I promise your not alone in this world and once you start exploring it youll find hat out for yourself. Well if you ever need to vent to someone i can give you my e-mail. Might actually help to have an online friendship :) best of luck to you, it will all work out!

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