My Life Is.. Pathetic
First off, before I even start with any of this, I do actually want some type of attention from this, but not in the way of "PAY ATTENTION TO ME, WOE IS ME, PITY ME". I.. need help. I think. I'm 16, fat, I don't think I'm attractive, I'm lazy, and I live in a trailer park. There is NO privacy here whatsoever, I only have half of the education I need for what I aspire to be, but I'm not going back to public. Ever. I've become very paranoid, and public is scary for me not just because I'm socially awkward, but also because I always fear for my life. You could call me a coward, yes. But death is.. just about everyone is scared of death, sure. But I'm always scared about my life ending randomly, because I aspire to greatness, but that isn't possible at the moment. And I would leave behind a grieving family, as well. And even though I've said all of that, let me make myself clear that I am NOT suicidal. I'm too scared of death and wouldn't do that to the people who love me, and for my dreams to just disappear. And again, I'm 16, I want "love", but I have no idea on how I would start with that.. I'm not social, did I mention I don't think I'm attractive? H***, don't get me started on my p****.. I'll admit, I'm small.. But that is somewhat uncomfortable to talk about considering that hurts whatever pride I have.. Oh yes, and in a few days, I'll have to lie to (of all people) my psychiatrist about my education to keep my family and I out of hot water. I want to better myself, and apply myself, but I'm not going back to public, and right now, I cannot concentrate. 3 pets, 3 adults, and me. In a 2 bedroom trailer. I cannot concentrate. And f***, my Mom is borderline disabled, and while I'm on the Internet almost all day, I still have to be what I feel like is a butler for her.. I stay up until ungodly hours because h***, that's the only time I get to myself! Ugh.. it's so weird typing all of this for complete strangers to read.. And watch, almost no one will read this.. *sigh* I'm in a rut with everything, and sometimes it almost feels like I'm being closed in. Oh yes, and I'd actually like to move to Canada because of this new law here in the U.S. being passed that makes the conspiracy of the RX-84/REX-84 thing possible.. of course I could never convince my family to do so.. *sigh* Man, I sure do sound pathetic, don't I? H***, I don't even have a job because of how limited everything is where I live. And I'm a virgin too. Hopefully, in a month or two, I will get out of this shithole and make life better.. I just.. I'm in a rut, and I feel trapped. Please tell me I'm not the only one. Please tell me I'm not the only one..