I wish I could tell them

My parents know that I used to be a self harmer, they know that I was diagnosed depressed when I was 14, they kind of know about my eating disorder.
But they think that was in the past. They think I've gotten better. They think I'm happy.
Five years have passed since they first found out about all that stuff, but they have no idea that it's getting worse... they have no idea that I'm struggling so much and that I've been considering ending it for the past three months.
I wish I could tell them, but I don't want to spoil their belief in me and their happiness.

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  • You will not spoil their belief in your or their happiness! The only way you could do that is if you do NOT tell them, and continue on this path.

    Speaking from personal experience, there is NOTHING anyone in my family would not do to have intervened when someone in my family needed it. We had no idea... We thought everything was OK, just like your family did. Then the unthinkable happened. Nobody had ANY CLUE, and that's been the toughest part of it all.

    Please, let your parents know, and start seeing a psychologist. You probably have no idea how much your family loves you or what they would do for you. Believe me when I say that if you were my brother, I would have given my life for you. Keeping it all inside hurts. Talking about it and getting some help and support will not hurt more - it will only help. /hug

  • Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It also passes the pain onto those you love and those who love you. You are 19 as of this post. I too suffered from depression from about 13 years old. The good news is there so many good medicines available now. 35 years ago they just called you weak. Everyone has their cross in life to carry. You will make peace with yours. As painful as it is now you will conquer this and you will grow as a person. You get to chose how you will use the dark times. Will you grow stronger and use what you have learned to help others or will you dwell in the darkness and self destruct. You have the power to choose. God bless you and stay strong.

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