Mother in law
Dear Mother in Law
I'm so glad you enjoyed the soup I made for you last weekend. I'm even gladder that you went as far as to comment that it was "the tastiest soup you ever had" and wanted to know my secret.
Last weekend I simply tapped my nose, gave a cheeky wink and moved into the living room to have a little laugh to myself.
In the highly unlikely event that you ever happen across this confession, here's my recipe.
Take 10 long years of enduring criticisms and gently bring it to the boil.
Cover with thinly veiled insults for the same duration.
Whilst this is cooking take one floppy c*** from the confines of your jeans and beat until rigid...
Let loose a healthy dose of backed up s**** that hasn't had an outlet for 2 f****** weeks whilst you've invited yourself over here without warning, meaning your daughter won't f*** with you in the house...
Mix it in good and proper so that it doesn't look suspicious, serve it to the nagging, hypocritical pest and watch her eat it.
Bon appetit f*****.