Why

A couple of months ago I got married to my best friend and love. Then she had to leave the country because of an immigration issue.

After that her friend starts approaching me and being really friendly. She's not got a pretty face but her body is so hot. Every time I see her I think about her taking me in bed.

I try and not fantasize about this girl, but every time I see her I just want to make love to her as a stand in for my wife.

Last night I saw her coming out of the shower, covered up but the thought of her naked moments before was very erotic. She saw me and very nicely said hi, even saying my name.

I'm confused, are you just friendly and innocent or are you secretly wanting me? I know temptation will come along but I love my wife and the thought of hurting her or our marriage is not something I want to do.

I think I need to move away from living in community.

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  • I really believed that if I used the delayed gratification principle to s** and romance that a guy wouldn't dare reject me given all my accomplishments and genetic heritage and genuine sweetness in my 30s. I also believed this about other women who might be competing with me for marriageable men, that they would not dare hurt me given all the pains and hurts I had been through in my past by simply using the delayed gratification principle to romance that it would show not only my character but also my genuineness and qualities as a "marriageable desired quality women who doesn't go out on trends or limb or impulsiveness". It hurt me that it didn't work. I sat back and thought "how dare they reject me!" and "how dare they hurt me" because I was looking at it from my moral muscle that is well oiled and developed and the "do un to others as you would have them do to you" concept but I found that fewer and fewer people live my thing value methodology now. I didn't delay sexual gratification deliberately I just couldn't find any man I liked and then I was raped by someone I couldn't stand who was the opposite of everything I had wanted and worked for. I wonder how those people live with themselves to be honest. I couldn't rape a woman who was sexually tortured for 15 years but still a virgin at 29. I mean he burnt my skin gave me bruises and hit me and would throw a hand out anytime to grope at my crutch at 5 years of age. it was a h*** I wouldn't wish on someone but now I think. "I hope they face their days of h*** and suffering" that is the human side of me coming out.

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