I watch as others...

I'm 34 years old, and for the past 5 years, I've watched so many of my friends get into and out of relationships. Me on the other hand, never can seem to get a first date. I'm always told that I'm such a wonderful person, very sweet, very caring, and someday the right guy is going to come by and sweep me off of my feet. I'm just sad that I go out of my way to help my friends, through getting into relationships and recover from break ups, yet the opportunity never seems to shine in my direction. I've even started questioning my character on why I haven't been approached. I dunno, I just wish that sometime, someone would see the same qualities -- if not, even better qualities for me.

signed,
king of heart pain

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  • I'm not sure if you're a guy or girl (from your signature) but it's really irrelevant anyway. I too have watched my friends go on dates and get married, have kids. I'm always stuck behind. I only blame myself. I'm a few years older than you and technically never really dated. I did have relationships (we were friends first) but the thought of going out and meeting someone new terrifies me. I know that I'm the only person standing in my way and that if I don't start looking I'll never find the right one. If some of my freinds can find someone (knowing how they are) I know I can and so can you. There's someone for everyone. You just have to not give up looking.

  • Wow, I can relate to so much of what you and the author of the post wrote. Except I'm still 26, but I've been single all my life minus one year. I know I'm a nice person, but guys just never make a move for me and it always makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me. Am I intimidating? I sort of come across as too nice, too conservative, too "angelic", whatever that is- and all unintentionally; why does sweetness have to suggest boring properness? But I also can't get myself to make a first move or to give off signals. I crush so much and watch my crushes get in and out of relationships, I get myself to really like their partners and convince myself it's ok. But it's not. People think I'm happy the way I am, that I don't care for men or relationships. I want to be in one, but I feel too tired to start, to go through it, to maintain it, to put on faces and fulfill expectations. I have a tough lifestyle and in my last relationship was full of tired explanations and concessions I shouldn't have had to make.

    I wonder if "there's someone for everyone is true". What if it is not lock-and-key but more like an induced fit, where two people have to change to be together? That needs trying, and it won't necessarily work.

  • Wow you sound like someone I would want to meet! Perhaps guys think you're not interested in them if they sense you're not giving off signals or what not. I know a lot of guys who actually like the "nice girl".

    I really do think there's someone for everyone but I doubt it's an easy lock and key fit. I don't know if there's really a "soulmate" out there but rather someone who we can be with if both parties work at it. Not all one sided concessions but compromise on both sides. That's what relationships are about. After that intial "goo goo ga ga" feeling of being in love, we all jump back to reality and see our partners for what they really are. If you still have feelings for the person than it can work.

    Take what I say with a grain of salt though. I really don't have much experience in the relationship dept, but I have enough experience in observing others and observing life.

  • Also I hear on-line dating is getting quite big.

  • You'll find it way easier if you make the first move even though it can be so hard some times.

    As a guy I can tell you guys love it when the girl makes the first move or give him a really obvious signal to show she's keen on him. Because otherwise guys just tacking a shot in the dark and I know of a lot of really good looking single guys that can't find anyone who "shows interest" I think if you work on your signals and do away with any if any mind games you'll find someone.

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