I have dating phobia

If there is such a thing, I have it. I haven't had a girlfriend or been on a date in ten years. I know there's a lot wrong with me and I feel like I wouldn't be a good catch. I don't want to go thru all the troublesome steps of meeting and getting to know someone only to have her find out I'm not good enough for her and dump me. I have feelings and can't handle rejection well. I'm also kind of shy. I always have been. I was more shy in the past but I'm still a little. I don't know what to talk about on dates. I'm not good at small talk. I'd probably come across as boring. It hurts so much watching all my friends get married and have kids and move on. I'm alone as always, stuck behind. I lie to people telling them I'm happy being single and on my own but the truth is I'm miserable. I pray that there is someone out there who will accept me as I am and love me for who I am.

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  • Self-confidence is so attractive. People love to love someone who doesn't "need" love- whose wholesomeness is not dependent on it. That's probably too idealistic and doesn't exist. But someone out there will accept you and love you for who you are if you love yourself for who you are. I'm not saying you don't, but I'm just saying. That of course doesn't negate the need to work on things like becoming less shy and more easy around people, but you sound smart and sincere- so much more deserving of love than many people who are in relationships.

    But this is coming from another single, hopelessly shy person, so you can completely throw it away as hypocritical.

  • Thanks. You are right and it is not hypocritical. I know the self confidence thing is true and I tell the same thing to others. But as you know it's easier said than done. I'm terrible at following my own advice. I think I can do pretty well at faking giving off confidence. It's just actually letting someone in behind my wall that's difficult. I can come up with 100 reasons why I shouldn't but it all comes down to one thing. Fear.

  • Fear. That's exactly it.
    Sometimes I feel like my whole life (or lack thereof) is driven by fear.
    Although I'm not sure what exactly it is that I'm afraid of. Rejection? Intimacy? Not being liked? Being exposed for what I am? Maybe if I really think about it, honestly put every bit of it in words, visualize it, feel it, experience it, and then forgive it, then it just might turn out to be not so terrible.

  • I know it may sound trite but you (and I of course) have to simply face our fears head on. I too wonder what it is exactly that I'm afraid of and come to the conclusion it's several things. Mostly it's the things you mentioned-rejection, intimacy, not being liked. But look logically at it-if we are afraid of rejection then we are keeping others away to protect ourselves. By keeping others away we are perpetuating our lonliness. If we fear intimacy (I know I sure as h*** do) than we are keeping others away to protect oruselves from getting close to others. But yet at the same time we yearn to be close to someone. This is a vicious circle and constant self fulfilling prophecy. I want so badly the very thing I'm most afraid of. Who is stopping me? Me of course.

  • i'm sorry any way i can help

  • Yeah, can you find me a girlfriend? lol

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