Lost in the past

Im absolutely terrified of my boyfriend. I cant look him in the face. I feel extremely uncomfortable when he holds my hand or puts his arm around ms. I like him a lot but because of past relationships i cannot trust guys who i date. At. All. I close off and shut down to them at that point.

I may be 16 but abusive relationships can happen at a young age. For me it was 14. He raped me almost ever single day. And i didnt do anything to stop it
But now that ive finally left him for good im still so scarred from him i dont know if i ever will really recover. Its ruining any relationship i have romantically. Im so scared right now. Even to the point where i had a panic attack earlier. I need help. Its killing me inside and i dont want to go back to my old ways of handling the pain.

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  • Oh...and if the "old ways" of handling your pain are self destructive, you might want to get help.


  • If someone was raping you every day at 14 then he needs to be in jail. That has, I assume, nothing to do with your current boyfriend. I honestly don't get why he is attracted to you if you fear him so much. Or you to him. Do you need to socially have a boyfriend to validate yourself? If the current guy is nice, maybe you shouldn't compare him to the ex.


  • I thought i loved him. Thats the thing. Hes 3 years older than me and i well. I still do think i love him. I guess thats why i begged my parents to not press charges on him even after it was reported. He went to jail last year for domestic violence but thats as far as it ever went legally. I know in my heart i should have done something. But i just couldnt bring myself to do it.
    Just to fill everyone in i talked to someone about it and i came to the conclusion that ineed to let any romantic relationship go untill i get into a place where im ready and strong enough for one

  • i apologize for what your ex did i wish there were a way i could help you but that's impossible concidering i don't know what you went through i'm sorry friend

  • I am so sorry. Please get some help or therapy or something. It really does help. If you feel comfortable, you might want to tell your boyfriend about what happened to you just so he doesn't feel rejected (although by no means do you have to do this if you don't want to).

  • You can and deserve to be in a loving and safe relationship. Don't bottle it up, you need to talk about it so you can work through it and learn to trust others. Call the number the other commenter posted..it's for rainn.org

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