I hate being a parent

F*cking word brother.

I am a child-free 31 year old woman, and I respect your opinion and for putting this out there. I know people will think a lot of you guys are horrible and selfish, but it’s ok to admit that parenting isn’t what you thought it would be. My mother loved being a mom and she was amazing at it. My father, on the other hand, loves us but definitely wouldn’t do it over again. And growing up, my siblings and I knew it. Kids can sense it.
Personally, I have never had the desire to be a mother. I am losing a relationship with the man that I love because I really, really don’t want children right now. I could selflessly do it for him when I am closer to 40 when my career is more in order, because I know how amazing he is with kids and what a fantastic father he would be. But right now...I just can’t! I know in my heart that it isn’t right for me. I know that I’d regret limiting myself and my goals. We love each other, so breaking up has been so hard. I want him to go find someone who would be ecstatic to do the parenting thing with him because he deserves all that happiness. As long as you all aren’t ** to your kids and you’re taking care of your responsibility as a parent, you’re entitled to admit that you aren’t that happy. Your kids will be 18 and out before you know it, so try to enjoy your time with them and don’t make them feel how my dad made us feel. He was and still is so inconvenienced by his kids, and we barely have a relationship with him now. Trust me, you don’t want that aftermath. Good luck to you guys.

You sound like my female counterpart. I am ending a relationship because she wants kids and I don't see myself having them. One word of advice I can give you because I am about 3 years older than you is that I keep putting it off and said when I get older I will do it for her but that time does not seem to come. It keeps getting pushed further and further. The breakup has been killing me but she deserves someone who will be happy about having a child with her. I wish it could be me but I will be miserable so I have to end it.

Hey, I am the one who wrote this comment you replied to. How are things going with your breakup? My ex and I have been officially broken up for almost 2 months now. We moved out of the apartment we shared together, and I spent the first month totally heartbroken. I am doing better now, but I occasionally get angry at him over certain things. I miss him, but I know it is best for both of us since our end goals are obviously different. It has still been hard to lose the person you love though.

You and I are going through the same thing at the same time. We have been broken up for 3 months now. She left the apartment and it was difficult to be alone at our place. I half heartedly tried to get back and salvage the relationship but I knew I was prolonging this and would be in the same position in a year. I was heartbroken and still miss her and think of her when I go on dates. But she was running out of time to start a family. I have an incredible amount of guilt for not letting her go before. I really thought something inside me would click and I would be ready. I am not. I hope you are hanging in there. I know what you are feeling.

Sounds like this whole thing has been an emotional rollercoaster for you too. I totally get what you are going through, and I’m sorry you are in the same boat I am. Take comfort in the fact that If you are certain that you don’t want children, then it really is for the best that you two part ways. The guilt will take time to subside, but I would probably apologize to her about that if you haven’t already. We women need to actually hear the “I’m sorry’s“, the “I love you’s“, etc. I have never wanted children, but I’ll admit that this breakup has actually made me do a lot of soul searching. I have an awesome relationship with my mother, and I did with my grandmother as well before her death. It is the bonds that I formed with them that have made me realize that the kid thing is actually something I want to do later...I just know for sure that I am not ready right now. I told him this, but he doesn’t believe me and he thinks I would only be doing it for him. So now it’s basically too late since he started detaching himself from me during the last few months of our relationship. I have seen him twice since the official break up, and yesterday was one of those times. It keeps ripping my wounds back open and I am left feeling heartbroken & rejected all over again. Ugh, it’s really just become one big clusterf**k of emotions for me-Lol. He periodically contacts me through text message to see how I am doing, but I’m going to have to tell him to stop texting me for good. My heart has to let go so I can move on. I can’t wait until this heartache is over! I guess you and I just have to give it time.

I dated a girl who had kids. I absolutely hated it, which made me never want to have kids. The trouble was that we got along great and I was very happy when her kids weren't around. We broke up, but had a hard time keeping apart and would still sleep together now and then. My solution to end this cycle, was to move across the country. Unfortunately her plans included me getting her pregnant. I was devastated. I pleaded for her to get an abortion, but she wouldn't, only offering that I didn't have to be there for him. I figured I would do the right thing and be with her for the sake of our child. It didn't last. Our child is 3. I'm single, 34, and live with my dad. I love my child, but hate being a father. I feel like I'm living a lie.

It bothers me so much that I made the decision to not have kids, and made that very clear to her, only to be disregarded. There's a double standard that if a woman doesn't want to have a child and has an abortion, it's her body, her decision. But if a man doesn't want to have a child, he's a deadbeat.

Oh thank you GOD that I don't have to deal with this. Childfree for life! I kinda sympathize but nah....not really.

Sounds like you were dealt some bad cards in life. You either weren't able to find anyone to have kids with or are not capable due to health reasons. No one who made a decision that they are happy with would respond in such a manner. I am childfree out of choice but do see the pros of having kids as well. They don't outweighs the cons so I haven't had kids so far. Seems as you are bitter and do not have that choice. Maybe you are a woman over 45. Who knows lol. This thread is full of your constant gloating which most people have caught on to. Thank God for internet and anonymity!!!

NEVER, EVER JUST RELY ON ONE FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL!! That's how "accidents" happen. No birth control is 100% effective. ALWAYS use 2 forms of birth control simultaneously. Verify with a physician that one won't nullify the other (some spermocides deteriorate some condoms). Ladies: some medications nullify/decrease function of "the pill" (not just antibiotics).

If you have ANY doubts about having children, don't cave to pressure from family, friends, significant others. When it comes down to it, you're going to be the one stuck raising the kid, while they are living their life. Their promises of help & support only last so long as they are happy with you. A kid is forever.

I totally feel you

Wow. What a thread. Well, I'm here anonymously because I am too embarrassed to admit this to anyone. I went thru holidays, summers, celebrations, college all alone. Always saw people I was so attracted to date others. I felt that if I only could get one of these people I would be so grateful. And I did. Now, my partner wants children. I never did. I realize I am getting older. My hair is getting grey. All the holidays are tailored around family time. When I was single, I would go to a coffee shop on a holiday and feel embarrassment that I had no one.

I am. It attracted to my partner. I constantly look at others and wish I could date others. The moment i break this off I will no longer have this person and off I go to lonely holidays, no dates for the office party, no weekend plans.

I am telling myself if I have a baby we can stay together and I won't be the kid at the empty table anymore. But what if you aren't attracted to your significant other?

I'm not attracted to my partner* I'm also dreading coming to an empty apartment. Whenever I traveled when I was single, all I did was look at couples in envy. Now, when we travel all I do is look at more attractive couples in envy. This is exhausting.

I hear the following about parenthood all the time and as a non-parent at present I never know what to believe:

1. Children bring meaning to your life in a way that the childless cannot imagine.
2. Even if you don't enjoy looking after nieces and nephews it's entirely different when they are your own. All of a sudden those boring games are all fun.
3.You cannot know real love until you have children. You live a half life if you do not have children.
4. Even when you have had a bad day with your children just one laugh or smile makes it all worthwhile.
5. Imagine how lonely you and your partner will be in the future when your parents are gone and there will be no children to come over and visit.
6. There will be no one to take care of you when you're old if you remain childless.
7. If you don't have children you will not get to relive your own childhood or ever understand the journey of your own life.
8. Parenting is magical: Christmas with children is amazing fun, going on adventures is amazing fun and seeing the world through their eyes and helping them learn is the best feeling imaginable.
9. As the majority have children you'll find that your friends drift away into their own worlds and you'll never feel quite complete (I have to say that I have noticed this. All my friends have children now and there is a sense that they somehow look down on us for being childless. It's hard to define the feeling).

Mother of two here, most of these statements are bull **. If you can't stand being around nieces and nephews for any extended amount of time, please do NOT have children! The only truth here is you do love them in a unique/unconditional way but it's laced with guilt and never ending sacrifices. Childfree is the way to go if being around kids is unappealing.

Land this is simply your opinion not facts

Stop lying to yourself

I agree with this so much. I only have one but my entire life is over, completely and utterly over.

Leave them. I'm serious. It does not matter just enjoy.ur life **

Parenting is a never ending ** grind. I loathe this life so much, I don't know why the ** I listened to ** who said how great it is. Does anyone really enjoy this?? I have not done one thing for myself today!

I don’t think anyone actually enjoys it. I think some people are programmed to enjoy doing what others expect of them and accomplishing what society says is important so in that way they enjoy it. But truthfully and sincerely enjoying this **? Doubt it.

Society doesn't see children as important. Parents and kids are looked down on and blamed for all societies problems, especially low income ones. Being a mum is actually something to be verbally insulted about in the uk today, you are treated as vermin as if all these childfree people are paying for your kids.

You are not.. **. Unless you are a whining council estate baby popper outer.

Gross. And you felt for the false facade of parenthood?! You fool LOL

I feel this post so much. I feel like I just need to say it myself because I don't think I can talk to anyone about it. I married at 28 and that marriage came with a step child. It was a learn curve but I immediately felt the reality sink in. I told myself it would get better, but it was just frustration after frustration. He was 3 then, 6 now and he's not at all a bad kid. The reprieve was that he would spend time with his dad and I felt like I could recharge a bit. Then we had our baby together. The pregnancy was horrendous. He was an IUGR baby and at a point we thought he wasn't going to be ok. He ended up being fine but small, though he's grown rapidly after a year. My wife suffered so much through that nine months and it was sickening to watch. We both decided then and there that we'd never have another one. After he was born, the first six months destroyed us. Because he was so high need, he couldn't be put down for a second without screaming. He didn't sleep, and consequently we didn't sleep. Both of our careers and earnings suffered despite being a very productive six figure household prior. It drove my wife and I apart worse than anything that ever happened. She became suicidal at a point, ended up having an affair and I lost my job interim. Now we're just waiting until we get our resources together enough to split. I love my kid, but I hate the reality that it imposes on us. I hope I don't feel like this forever. He's grown a lot and some thing have gotten easier but other frustrations are just beginning. I told myself in my early 20s that I'd never have a kid. I wish that I had stuck to that and not let everyone influence my decisions, wife and parents included. I'd be so much happier right now. It's far too much or a burden. I don't think sacrificing everything for a child is worth ruining your life.

I told myself I’d never have a child too and I’m so so confused as to why I went back on that. It’s like we second guess our own desires because society says having kids is so magical and important. If I live long enough I will make sure my daughter lives for herself and doesn’t make the same dire mistake I made. That may not happen as every day I get closer and closer to pulling the trigger.

Please don’t pull it.

Seems like those that have settled for less, ended up miserable and alone, hmm I guess we can debunk the myth “who will care for you when you’re old?” BS Backpedal all you guys want, children aren’t worth it but I guess misery sure needs and loves company. Some of you may be entitled “parents” with unruly brats that are inconsiderate enough to bring them in public places (theatres, fancy restaurants, airplanes) to ruin other people’s time and for that I don’t ever have sympathy for any of you, for some maybe, but I can’t help something that’s irrevocable such as forcing an innocent baby into this harsh life. Love kids but don’t put your problems onto others. FYI having children IS a CHOICE, and I respect awesome parents that actually PARENT. Albeit I highly doubt a vast, not all, “parents” are truly content with their decisions. This leads to my other point, I’m truly tired of these erroneous baby/pregnancy commercials, not all people are happy when someone is pregnant—this misleading media...why can’t their be a commercial where a woman is upset that she found out she’s pregnant, or disclose how many kids are in the adoption system, why not disclose a childfree commercial; a couple with their pets and friends? You guys have been lied to and mislead. Wake up and save another’s life from this parental torment (**). Insult me all you want, it’s the truth and apparently people are overly sensitive of it. I will say that I truly LOVE my life and family, my parents did an excellent job raising us. I also want to add that I love my disposable income on my wife and I, and yes I’m happily fixed :-) but goodness it ** that we get to do whatever we want, whenever the ** we want, sleep in, ** anywhere in the house. This would’ve been your lives... spread the truth to others, “don’t have kids”, if not, then you guys have proven the phrase right, “misery loves company”. God Bless

Same here. I have two children. My oldest (I'm convinced) is intellectually disabled or slow. My youngest is very intelligent and advanced. Oldest did Early Intervention for autism and was found to not be on the spectrum, but he just takes forever to learn. We have spent so much money on therapies which are just worthless. We take him out to educational places like parks, playgrounds, museums, frequently. He's doing three years of preschool. He has all developmental and educational toys. His sister was pretty much ignored most of her life because we fussed over him so much. I'm heartbroken, because she might be the only healthy child we will have and I have no memory of her as a baby and few photographs.

I've always been an introvert and a homebody. I worked with kids during and straight out of high-school but I was still shocked at the very limited amount of time I have to take care of myself. My teeth are horrible because I have kids pulling on me and screaming at me to get out of the bathroom, a lazy husband that just doesn't want to parent, no clean clothes because I'm too exhausted to wash, and I can't lose weight due to the stress - the kids won't let me eat in peace, so when I do eat I binge. I literally don't have any help. I have no friends, they're all drug addicts thanks to the opiate epidemic. Relatives? Deceased, mentally ill, or drug-addicted. If there's anybody that's around me that is my age (millennial) they are so emotionally stunted they act as if they are young teenagers, so they aren't really capable of babysitting for any length of time.

There are rare few times where it seems worth it, watching the kids play together, snuggle on the couch, or opening up gifts - but honestly, I wish I never had them.

God, you were and are way too immature to breed. You blame your kids on your gross teeth and your lack of friends on "the opiate epidemic". Not to mention you did the all-too-common dumb thing of pouring love, attention, and resources into the defective kid. Thanks for creating YET ANOTHER person who's got a hole in her soul (talking about your daughter here) because she, like so many, was ignored in favor of her potato brother. She'll probably have to take care of him once you and hubby kick, too. On her behalf, go bathe your uterus in acid.

I was a behind-the-coucher to my retarded younger golden-pen!s brother. Now we're the only family members left. I still take care of him because we get along and I feel a responsibility to do so, but am so glad the rest of the fvcking family is dead and am doubly glad I've always been too smart to breed my own self. This family's DNA doesn't deserve to be spread, just like 99.9999% of the rest of the DNA out there.

It used to be that when things got so bad, whether at work, or a relationship, or when I just needed a break from all the noise and thoughts, I'd go away some where. Anywhere. It didn't matter. I'd take a week off, sometimes more, and just disappear from it all. I would just pack and go where the wind took me. I might end up in a hostel/hotel, or call up a friend I hadn't seen in a while and asked if I could crash on their floor for a little while until I sort my head out. I'd take up no room at all. Now... No way. Being a parent means everything, and I mean everything, has to be planned. Everything is double now - fares, accommodation, eating etc. Can't just take a week off, it has to be within school holidays or we'll get in trouble! No one wants to put up a child too, for a few weeks. Can't blame them.

Now when things get too much for me, I can't escape for a while to get my head right, and come back fresh. No, I have to wack on a fake smile and pretend I'm all okay. The huge responsibility of this has made me suicidal. Something I never was before, because, yep, I could take some time out to rest before. No chance now.

Anchor. That's what parenting feels like to me. An anchor around my waist. Holding me down. Drowning me. Can't reach for air.

And the icing on the cake: I love my child to bits. So the guilt is very very real. I pray for death.

I never felt that my mother liked being a mother. I think she wanted a kid as a concept- to show off in a photo album or school play or whatnot. I knew early on that parenting holds no allure for me, so I'm not gonna force some helpless kid into the world If I don't want it.

It's not a good feeling to know that your parents aren't happy to be parents & I see little kids on the subway absorbing that knowledge every day.

That's why most parents "want" kids. Spend any time at all on Instagram or Facebook and show me where the lie is.

Stupid selfish **.