15 Year Affair

Have been married for 28 years. Met a beautiful woman 15 years ago and still continue to have an affair with her. Our s** is wonderful and o****** are the best ever...

Much better s** than with my wife but we could ever be together for longer than a few days. We are not in love just l*** and treat our friendship like we found the right person..however reality sets in and we go back to our spouses.

Still love my wife but having this affair makes me a better person..I'm more relaxed with great s**..

Is it wrong to continue this?

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  • Hello. I’m a woman. I too have been having an affair way too long. Too damn long to mention. I’ve been married longer than the affair. Adult children but it would still kill them to find such a thing out about their mother. If I am honest about the affair it’s more a codependent situation. He’s my company because my husband and I aren’t compatible any more but after 31 years of marriage we are in it because we’re use to each other but intimacy hasn’t been there for years. The other guy is also married but recently separated. Truth is he cheated on me while with her. Probably more than once. It’s a lot. I can’t explain everything in a day. I think I stay for s** and his money. I am in a lot of debt and he takes care of a lot of things for me. But I can’t trust him and I am not willing to share. I have recently thought of old guys that had good d***. I wish I could have another swing with this guy called Gregg...damn he was huge and pleasing ...yes...a short affair before I met the one I’m with now. I have been having these feelings because the one I am with isn’t trustworthy and I am tired ...just tired of his excuses for lying. An affair is wrong I know but damn if you do it, why can people be satisfied and happy with the wrong s*** we already doing. I do want to be honest I know I can never be sexually satisfied with my husband and the guy I have an affair with can’t be honest. This is weighing heavy on my mind and heart. I do know if it wasn’t for finances I would have called it quits. I am in love with him but I can’t share and now I’m thinking of old flames. This is just a mess!!!

  • Thank you for your answer. This helps clarify some of the reasons. Yes there is guilt and society may not accept this but we don't consider this cheating..perhaps just posting this is a sign of guilt..still not sure about that.

    All I know is that I would be half a man if I didn't have this. She makes me feel like a man and is the best lover ever. Sometimes you can't have the perfect situation so we make do with what we can get. The key here is not hurting anyone and making sure expectations are set on all levels.

    So I hear you saying it's ok to carry on..keep a low profile, don't get caught. respect all involved.

  • Absolutely, yes: I think your head is on straight about this situation and about both relationships. Your life is immeasurably enriched by your mistress, and you should be continually, if you aren't already, telling her so. She is a vitally important part of your life, and your world, and that fact taken together with the incredible s** life the two of you share --- despite your suggestion that it isn't love --- certainly seems like love: at an absolute minimum, there's a purity and beauty to it that most people never experience. We can love more than one person, certainly, and so you just have to consider the answers to two questions:

    1. If this isn't love, why is the s** soooooo f****** good?


    2. If this isn't love, how could it possibly have lasted so long? And with no signs of EVER ending?

    My guess is that the relationship is fifteen times stronger
    now, and that the s** is fifteen times better now, than it was in the first year. You didn't ask for our opinions, but yes, I think this is love . . . for BOTH OF YOU.

  • Yours is the best-case argument in favor of extramarital affairs. You're both aware of and are willing to assume the risk involved --- and with the two of you, the risk is probably a substantial part of the thrill, is it not? --- and you've established and maintained a long-term relationship despite the significant challenges of the thing. You may think of it in predominantly sexual terms, but the two of you support one another as well, even if it's occasionally only the knowledge that the other one cares. So, yes, this is a relationship every bit as important as the one you have with your wife. In addition (and this is purely personal opinion), your observation about being a better person is perfectly valid, because the adulterous arrangement strenghtens you, relaxes you, encourages you and excites you, in your daily life and, ironically, even within your marriage. For what it's worth to you, my two cents is that it's not wrong to continue the affair, so long as you and your mistress acknowledge the risks and decide the benefits outweight them. Best wishes.

  • At this point, why would you even ask?

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