So Close, and Yet So Far

3 weeks ago, I met this awesome girl at dance. She's beautiful, funny, artistic, and we have alot of connects. Actually, we first met on the premise of her friend getting her a dance, and just randomly plucked me out of the crowd. It could have been anybody, but God knows I'm glad it was me. After the dance was over, I took a paper maché flower off the wall, and handed it to her. She thought it was extremely sweet, hugged me, then went off to her ride. A week later, I was at another dance with her again. We slow danced a little, talked, and later went and got ice cream with a bunch of friends. The NEXT friday, we went to go see a movie, then later just wlaked around town and hung out. The following sunday, I biked over to her house, and we walked into town again and just got to know each other better. The NEXT friday, she invited me to a semi formal. That night, we were so close to charing a kiss, which would've been noth our first's, but she declined on account of the various shaperones damn them perched around the room. Later, again, we had froyo, than we departed, such sweet sorrow. The next day, we went to a concert together, and the day after that we were just walking, being above the influence like that haha. This entire 4 weeks, we had been texting each other almost daily, and, if you havent already pieced it together, we've hung out either on a friday, saturday, sunfay, or a combinaiton of the three = we were really close. Anyways, back to Sunday. As it was getting dark, we started walking back to her house. As we got to her porch, just as I was about to ask her out, she told me to hide. So I dove behind a bush, just as her father came out. 1, he doesnt like me (it was a protective thing), and 2, she runs daily, so that was he thought she was doing. As she went inside, I told her I had to ask her something. She found a way outside, and promtped me to be quick. The 5 seconds in which I said "will you go out with me" was a flash of mixed up emotions. She said she would think about it, because she was in a rushed situation, planted a kiss on my cheek, than ran back inside. Now, the naive fool that I was, I thougth she would say yes because of that kiss. I later found out that it was of pity, not affection. Halfway back to my house, she texted me saying she couldn't, because she liked some other guy (damn his soul) that liekd her back (f*** my life) who she'd been waiting for almost a year. Upon reading this, even though I was on the side of a busy road, I got down on the road and sobbed until I couldn't anymore. That night was probably the first night I cried since the thrid grade. It was the first time I had ever cried for a girl. I guess I had misread her signs, and she had misread mine. This past week, we've talked, but it isnt the same as it was before sunday. Her relations with me just seem more distant. Now, I try to occupuy myself with other things, but the sad truth is I've never been so close with a girl as I was with her. No other girl compares. Everytime I have a spare moment of thought, its devoted to what could've been if I'd done things differently. I'v now become so sad as to pass the border into depression. I have even contemplated cutting myself, and I have imagined myself dying in many different way. I dont know how to get rid of this overwhelming sadness. Somebody please help me <:(


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  • what the f*** are you talking about b*** i have not been this mad sence i was born

  • Don't cut stay strong. It may be very hard at first, but believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you will find someone you love even more even though it may not seem like it now. Maybe you will really end up with her. But self harm is never the answer. Good luck. Xx <3

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