I want more kids

Almost five years ago,I met a young lady and she seemed to treat me like a king, for the first couple of months.She is 20 years younger than me.She seemed to be all I had been waiting for all my life.I had been married, a couple of times before I met her, and my oldest daughter is four years younger than her.

She believed she will never get pregnant but wanted a family and kids badly.I wanted a family too!By the time we started having major problems,she was already pregnant with our first son.She moved into a shelter and it has been a nightmare ever since.We have lived together on and off for the last 4 years and not even for a year at a time.

Our current separation happened last august and its the 5th one.The lady complains that I am old,been married too many times,have kids almost her age,am getting bald and have gray hair.She knew all these from day one. Nobody was ever able to get her pregnant and I did.We have two healthy sons.She is always on the run with them,and wants me to have nothing to do with them, except when she hits a dead end and wants my help.

I went to court for a few years and secured a joint custody with her being primary in 2010.We lived together then and now we are making the order modified in another state.
I learned that she has fibroids now and even a cyst in her ovaries. I just feel like getting even with her and meeting a decent woman,have kids with her and then get a vasectomy.If I have more kids,it will "lessen" the importance of our sons in her mind and then she can let me see them more just to be spiteful.I may also be able to enjoy a family.She is a black woman and I am thinking of having the kids with a non black woman.

I am very hurt by the way this woman has treated me because I am sweet with her and very loving to her and my sons.Right after we got the joint custody in 2010,I found an email she had sent to a cousin of hers the first month we met and before she even got pregnant.She was telling the cousin that she had no intentions of living with or marrying me.She just wanted me to help her and even give her a baby and she will take off. She did exactly that the week she found out she was pregnant.This while she was telling me what a wonderful guy I was and how she wanted to be my wife despite the age difference.

I don't hate her or wish her ill will despite the fact that she has cheated on me and stressed me out badly.I just feel won out from chasing down my kids for the past 4 years.I am not sure if I will ever enjoy love in my lifetime.My family and friends say I am a good caring and loving person.The women I meet take me to the cleaners because of my kindness-I even left one a brand new house.

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