I love to dress up but i know its wrong...
I'm a 40 yo mainly hetro family man, father of 4 young kids, husband to my wife but I have a secret. I love to dress up, use make-up and then video/photograph myself. I do this at work in a quiet little room where I can lock myself in and not be disturbed.
Over the years I've bought quite a few fairly provocative outfits on eBay that are locked away in a cupboard in this room where I also have a digital camera and video camera set up on a tripod. Nearly all the garments and outfits I have bought are latex or pvc and nearly all of them are black. I love to look at and indeed wear tight fitting, dark shiny garments.
But my double life gets even more weird be because after I spend all this time dressing up and admiring myself in the mirror, I then attach a 7 inch long fake rubber c*** at waist height to the back of a chair where I then start the video camera rolling as I get down on my knees and perform oral s** on the rubber c***. I do this from different angles, heights and with different outfits, make-up and wigs. I also use a self-timer on a digital camera for close-up shots and stills as well. Over the years I've compiled quite a large collection of video's and photos of myself on a hard drive.
But it gets worse, when dressed up I also love to put myself in tight un-inescapable bondage. I gag my mouth with either a ballgag, ring-gag, full face harness or even just good old fashioned gaffa tape, chain & padlock my ankles together and cuff my wrists behind my back. I then perform in front of the camera by either looking helplessly into the lens or just squirm & wriggle about for a while. Once or twice when dressed up I have even gagged myself and completely hogtied myself down on the floor, leaving a key to the cuffs & padlocks near me in reach
These sessions usually result in me masturbating at the end as I'm either just admiring myself in the mirror, down on my knees sucking/licking a rubber c*** or in some type of self-bondage. If I was ever caught I'd lose my job. If my wife ever found out she'd be shattered. No one knows. I have a secret email address with an alias female name with a handful of anonymous male admirers who I have shared photos and video's of myself with. I've been told I look very convincing and very sexy and once or twice I have even ventured out late at night all dressed up and allowed myself to be seen but although this gives me an enormous rush, it's very hard to organise with wife and kids who have no idea.
After every 'session' I wind up feeling guilty and ashamed but end up just doing it all over again the next day. I find myself often fantasizing about giving a guy a b****** when I'm all dressed up and even in bondage (particularly down on my knees with my wrists tightly handcuffed behind my back) and find this scenario incredibly erotic.
Anyway, I know it's wrong and I know I'm betraying my wife, family & friends but I just can't stop and find the whole act of dressing up and performing in front of a camera very satisfying and kinky at the same time.
I guess if I wasn't married with kids, who knows? I might be a full on pre-op transexual but I AM married and still get a hard-on by seeing a beautiful girl, especially if she's wearing tight fitting black shiny latex or pvc.