I want to watch someone die. I know this is wrong and I shouldn't do it, but from what I can tell I'm not alone. I'll be in class holding a pencil, and I wonder how it would feel to puncture skin. I think of way to beat the police. I figure out ways to run. I don't want to kill anyone, even my enemies, but I'm interested in death. I want to know what it feels like or what it looks like. I don't even like the idea of fighting, but if I'm enraged, this can all change. This scares me about how far I could go if someone makes me mad enough.

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  • I'm sure everyone's had some thoughts about it. What is it like to observe someone's last moment alive, the heart stopping moment where their life force leaves their body? We see it in the movies all the time, all those dramatic scenes where they have just enough time to leave a dying message before collapsing with an empty look in their eyes. But real death is a much more gruesome, unglamorous thing. Nobody becomes a sexy immortal creature of the night. Instead, their bowels and bladder empty, and after a while they get rigor mortis, and they stiffen, their fingers and limbs curling and tightening. Let's not even talk about the bloating, the decay, the maggots, etc. But of course, if you really want to see it happen, get a job at a hospital, or just hang around there, until some old keister starts flatlining. Bring some popcorn if you want. Invite your friends. This probably isn't helping much. Whatever.


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