I want to watch someone die. I know this is wrong and I shouldn't do it, but from what I can tell I'm not alone. I'll be in class holding a pencil, and I wonder how it would feel to puncture skin. I think of way to beat the police. I figure out ways to run. I don't want to kill anyone, even my enemies, but I'm interested in death. I want to know what it feels like or what it looks like. I don't even like the idea of fighting, but if I'm enraged, this can all change. This scares me about how far I could go if someone makes me mad enough.