Afraid to Love
I'm scared of falling in love. But I want to so much! I want to be able to have a happy ever after with that one person and laugh and be myself. I've never been in a relationship in my 18 years of living, although there have been instances where I have felt attracted to other people.
Maybe I'm just jealous after seeing so many happy dramas and seeing other couples together. But at the same time that I want to be with a guy who will love me and who I can just be utterly and completely in love with, I'm so scared that I will be alone. I'm so scared that I'm unloveable. What if I enter a relationship and I fall in love, but he one day decides I'm a waste of time and doesn't love me anymore? What if he's not the one?
It sounds like petty worries, but I'm just so....lonely, I guess. I want to meet him. But at the same time, I don't want to. Because I feel that he might not like me as much as I like him. I don't even know if he is really out there, but I'm just so scared that I won't be to his expectation. If I fall so completely in love with him and he decides that I'm not the one, what would I do? I'm so scared.