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I just need to say it
I'm a girl who is almost 16, and to be honest I'm in love. I haven't spoken to him in almost 3 years, but I can't get him out of my head. He lives states away, and hates me because I pushed him away to much. If only he knew that when I push people away it's because I need them more then ever. And it's my weird way of showing I love him.
Recognition is the first step towards getting better, but insufficient. You clearly have some anxiety about being romantically closed to somebody and I would encourage you to work with a qualified counselor on resolving your issues before you pursue a romantic relationship. You you likely have to let your ex go as a part of this. I hope you can get better.