I hate myself..
My name is Becky, I'm 15..
I hate talking about myself because I'm so confused on who I am and whether I'm just putting on an act and it upsets me to speak about things related to myself..
Well, for example.. I'm close to a boy called Joss.
He's 17. He tolerates my behavior towards him which makes me feel much worse. I want him to tell me I'm being a b****, to tell me that I'm taking the p*** a little.
I constantly find reasons to pick an argument with him, he never gives me the satisfaction of that though. I avoid personal topics such as where "we" are going in terms of being together or not. 'Cos the truth is, I'm scared of commitment, I'm scared of getting hurt, I'm scared of love. I know that if we ever got together, I wouldn't feel comfortable and I'd ruin our friendship. But if we continue how we are, his feelings get hurt like many others have in the past because I give the false impression that IT is going somewhere when I never intend on a relationship. I guess you could say I'm scared of them too. I really want to figure out who I really am but at this rate, It's never going to happen.