I'm sad.

I'm sad.

I recently got married a few months ago and I thought we'd start having ** more often because we barely hooked up before, but I'm so disappointed it only happens once a week or twice at the most. I don't know if I just have a high ** drive, but my husband doesn't seem as interested as I am, and I wish I could have it every day.

I want to feel wanted and desired. I want to be able to seduce him but he doesn't get turned on that easily. Now I'm blaming it on myself because I'm overweight and I'm wondering if that's why, although I know he's telling the truth when he says it doesn't bother him. But somehow I doubt it and think I'm just not hot enough or good looking enough for his taste...
At the same time though, he doesn't ** behind my back..and he smokes up so I assume he just has a low ** drive in general.

but before marriage he couldn't wait to hump me every chance he could get...what's changed? :(

I'm just so sad..
I feel lonely and unwanted..and undesirable...

meanwhile I just crave his attention and love and have the sexual appetite of a primate...

sometimes I want to ** to calm myself down but I always end up crying afterwards because it's just so shameful to ** behind his back in the bathroom. I feel so ashamed and dirty and I hate myself.

I truly hate myself..
And I can't help but be secretly angry and frustrated with him because he'd rather play video games and smoke up than have **.

But to make things fair, He is the best guy I've ever known and he's always comes up to me and cuddles, lightly kisses my face and play childish little games with me and I LOVE it. But sometimes I just want him so close to my body.

Last night he held me so close in bed before sleep..and I almost felt that maybe this is what I'm craving, rather than **.. Maybe it's just his embrace. I even thought if only I could sleep in his arms like that, I'd feel so much better. Like this hungry wild need inside me would curb. But of course...He can't sleep like that cuz it's not the most comfortable and sometimes it's not too comfortable for me either..which **...

I don't know what to do. I'm at loss. I'm trying to lose weight at the moment..and I'm REALLY hoping that CHANGES something. Cause if it doesn't. I don't know what I'll do :(. I don't know how more sad I could get :(. I'm almost depressed...
He doesn't even like it when I initiate. Only worked a couple of times. In fact once I dressed all up for him and he just continued playing video games. He likes to chase, I know. But I can't wait THAT LONG for him to come and get some!! Yes, I need ** everyday!! I don't know what's wrong with me or why but that's just how it is and I feel less loved when he doesn't approach me. I feel ugly and miserable.

HELP ME!