Idk anymore

That I'm feeling especially pathetic. Sometimes I think to myself that things will be okay and I can make it through this, but then when I think more in depth about things I really can't see a reason as to why I'm here, or why I should continue to be here. I know there are people who love me, but in the end I always manage to let them down or p*** them off somehow. I know for a fact if it wasn't for me my mom would definitely be in better living conditions and not have to work all the time or stress over bills. If it wasn't for me my boyfriend would probably be with someone who doesn't make him so mad all the time and maybe even be happier. I have no friends to be quite honest. Not that I'm complaining too much about that because I find people to be quite nasty and untrustworthy. I'm always running on low fumes. I'm tired, and I'm basically useless. I feel like if I stick around the people who love me would eventually figure that out. I feel like a f****** burden and I'm tired of it. I don't ever express these feelings to anyone else, and if I come off as some sort of cry baby well, then. Fine. I don't care. I want to know why the f*** I'm here? I really don't understand. I wish I could just rummage up the guts to kill myself and be done with it. I feel like if I get pushed anymore that I might be able to just do it. I've been on the verge before and I just don't see things getting any better. There's nothing special or unique about me. No one would really miss me but a select few and they'd be better off in the end without me around to f*** things up. I can't stop crying and thinking about everything. I just want to feel happy and make the people I love happy but I feel like that's impossible right now. I don't know what to do anymore.

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