I don't quite know what category to put this in. It's beyond the s** at this point. And yet it still is encompassed by it. I just cannot get over him. Having it thrown in your face every day that he is never going to leave her for you. Knowing he is happy, with a family, and he would be miserable with me, and yet I still want him to be with me, is very hard right now. I know what the right thing to do is: go away, and let him be. But how can I do that when he is such a huge part of my life? I cry, even as little as on the inside, every night for him. I am tired of crying over him, and yet I cannot stop. I want to get over him, and yet I don't. It is all so confusing; like it's the canopy of the Amazon in my mind, with leaves blocking my view, and wildlife to distract me. I knew what I was getting into when we started the whole affair. And yet, I wasn't prepared for one thing: this feeling I cannot name.