i think i love you but i'll never be
i think i love you but i'll never be able to tell you that, because i'd ruin everything you have now. i want you to be happy but it's killing me that you're better off with her. she's smart, funny, sweet, pretty and perfect for you.
i want so much to disappear, to be able to say i wish i'd never met you but you changed me, without you i'd never have become the person i am today, and sometimes i like that person. i know now that i'm smart and unique, different and nerdy, but that's ok. you're the first guy that ever really listened to me as a friend and the only person i felt i could trust with anything. i've lost count of the times i've freaked out and come to you before anyone else. i can't do that now, i'd intrude on your happiness and i could'nt bear to do that to you after all you've done for me. i know i sound pathetic, self pitying and over dramatic but you mean so much to me. without you i'd still be sitting in the library every lunchtime alone. you gave me the strength to become a person instead of a sad little blur drifting through a monochrome world.
i know i'll never have the kind of impact on you that you had on me, you'll never think of me like that, but i can cope with it, just please don't forget about me. i've found someone else who makes me feel like i'm falling and flying and living and dying all at once but if i lose your friendship i'll never have the confidence and the strength to be the person i need to be.
i love you. i always have. perhaps i always will, please give me the chance to support you like you have supported me, even when you don't realise it.