After prom

I'm deeply in love with my friend but as he's straight and I'm gay we wouldn't ever work. Another friend is suggesting an after prom party at her house this week and I would really love to go but I'm terrified of having to share a room with him when I'm drunk. I get lonely and emotional late at night anyway so throw alcohol into the mix I'll be a mess. I feel like I'm bound to end up crying on his shoulder about How lonely I feel (without him) and that will not end well. It also worries me that a drunk me will pay far too much attention to his body (he's not stereotypically sexy but I think he is beautiful in a way that only I can see, his body isn't perfect but I love every inch of him). I'm awkward enough so I don't expect I'd make a move on him but I reckon I'd have trouble keeping my eyes off him sober so drunk I'd be practically drooling. I hate these feelings - why couldn't I just be in love with the bi guy in the year who has admitted before that we would make a good couple?

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