How do I handle it

I met my wife over 12 years ago and we now have 3 kids together over that time period. I have been recently having issues with how I view her because of a incident that is still fresh in my mind today. Before I met my wife, my brother met her first and they talked on the phone and stuff and hung out. I was told by both of them that they never had s** though. Long story short she ended up falling for me being that the two and a half weeks my brother talked to her nothing never came out of it and I knew that my brother had about 3 more girls he was messing with besides her. About 2 years ago I came across information that contradicted there account between the two of them, they actually did have s** in that two and a half week time frame and it has been driving me crazy every since. When we argue, I go overboard because that pops up in my mind always, Im now uncomfortable with them being alone at all. This is so far in the past but it still controls me till this day. Any suggestions would help, thanks.

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  • It was 12 years ago. Did you assume your wife was a virgin when you married? If not, then while it's a bit awkward that it was your brother, perhaps consider that they both lied not to hide something bad, but to not stop a relationship that made sense.

    If you think your wife is cheating, then that's a bigger issue in the here and now. But, if you're worried about something that occurred 12 years ago, then you're either going to have to get over it (which may take time) or not - in which case are you ready to go down that route? If but for that nagging concern, are you good with your marriage and family?

    Here's how I'd play it:
    If you're going to question someone on this question your brother. Get him drunk and ease into the discussion. Start talking about ex-GFs. Disarm him by talking about cheating on his wife or GF or your wife. Tell him there's some home girl I work that keeps coming onto you.

    Then state in a non-confrontational way something like "you and Wives Name, only had s** that one time 12 year ago I heard?" Act like it doesn't bother you. At least that way the truth might come out.

  • Buy you cams put in your bedroom and other place in your home, buy over the counter DNA test and check your children and yourself, send the test off them you know for sure, or sit down talk to you wife and just ask her? Talk to your brother, ask him? Then you know for sure.

  • I can only imagine the torment your mind is going through right now constantly wondering and running scenarios through your head but trust me when I say this.... You have to sit her down and tell her what you found and talk about it like grownups. I say this because it's affecting your relationship already in that you go overboard when you two argue. Sit her down and tell her you need to talk and get it all off your chest or not it's going to eat you from the inside and your going to become bitter as a result. Remember you Love her and that will never change but trust can be broken but the nice thing about trust is that it can be rebuilt if worked on and compromise taken. You'll get there if you get it out in the open first then everything else can happen but nothing moves forward if its bottled up inside. You two will be fine you weren't married for 12 years on easy street there were some test along the way and you passed it. You'll pass this one too.

  • Tough one. Makes you wonder what other lies your wife (and brother) may have told you all these years. Family counseling, maybe...?

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